FINALLY, an update!
We arrived in Kyiv, Ukraine on Monday, August 5 at 11:40am. Our flights were very smoothe (with the exception of the first flight whose pilot was clearly an ex-F-18 pilot). Customs was way too easy. Our luggage popped right out in the front of the line and our translator was waiting right outside the airport for us. It was seamless. It was GOD. God knows that I am a little uncomfortable out of my surroundings. Having babies and making a home has created in me an inner circle. When I'm away from my people and my home I am easily overwhelmed. That's why God gave me Jake :). He adapts easily and blends in and makes jokes the whole time. I cannot imagine travel without my best friend.
A few fun Ukraine things. So far, we've learned how to quickly convert Celsius to Fahrenheit. We've learned that Jake is the largest, most muscular man in all of Kyiv. He could fit these guys in his pocket! We've learned that women wear dresses and sandals. And if you wear shorts and tennis shoes you get stared at. We've learned that Ukrainians love American music. Ghostbusters, Depeche Mode, Justin Bieber, and yes, Freebird. Everybody smokes. We've second hand smoked at least two packs a day since we've been here. We love that Americans love deodorant and all of its chemically by-products ;). Ukrainians are much less concerned with time and schedule than Americans. Everyone is super laid back. Beer at 1pm? Sure! At any given moment there are throngs of people having a cold one in Independence Square. 84 degrees is hot. The weather has been amazing. Its been in the 80s with almost no humidity and a nice breeze. Everyone keeps saying "its so hot!!!" and us Southern folk are skipping down the street like its the first week of Spring. The architecture is beautiful. The cathedrals are breathtaking. The cobblestone streets and gold plated monuments look just like they do on the Pinterest travel page ;). Seriously, Kyiv is a beautiful city. We are staying in an apartment that is very close to Independence Square and the SDA. Everything we need is within walking distance. The language barrier has proven....ummm.....funny. Yesterday we bought mystery frozen ravioli at the market. We had no idea what was in it. We still aren't exactly sure but it smelled porkishy and Jake refers to it as 'suspect" and "needing some Sriracha". There are Ford dealerships and Honda Civics and Range Rovers a plenty. We are kind of in shock. If it weren't for the language barrier, its almost like we're in NYC. We really like it here.....but there are a few things missing. And they are small and blue eyed and they give really great bear hugs. We miss our babies. Horribly. Deeper than deep.
Things have been good so far. The down time has been hard on this mama's heart. I can't lie. I feel completely incomplete without them. We have Skyped twice and saying goodbye is so so hard. Talking to them and holding it together is even harder. I know they are well taken care of and loved and prayed for.....we miss them. It hurts.
Today we went to the SDA. The door to the office is off on a side street and made me feel like I was doing something illegal. Considering the HUGENESS of what happens in that office, the entrance lacks its deserving grandeur. Our appointment was at 12 and we arrived 20 minutes early. Then the appointment before us ran 20 minutes over. 40 minutes of waiting and staring at this tiny door worked wonders on mine and Jakes nerves. We were pacing and praying and pacing and praying. They finally called us in and asked us to introduce ourselves and tell why we decided to adopt from Ukraine. I love Jake's boldness. He immediately said, "we want to expand our family and we believe that God has called us to expand it through adoption. God led us to Ukraine." I also loved that the lady in the office didn't seem at all surprised by his answer. She has clearly heard that before (praise God!). We were given 4 files of siblings first and we did not have peace about any of them for various reasons. After the sibling files were presented the office worker got on the phone and we thought those were all the files we would receive. But we kept praying, both of us, nervously praying for that perfect file. And she hung up the phone and gave us 3 more. A 7 year old girl, a 6 year old boy and lastly, a 5 year old boy. She laid that last file down and Jake and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes. That was him. Total peace. Holy Spirit kind of peace. His file arrived at the SDA this morning. Gods perfect, divine, timing. I have chills just writing this. SO, we accepted the referral for a 5 year old boy! We will hopefully travel to see him on Monday.
Jake and I have been overwhelmed through this entire process with the number of people pouring themselves out to God in prayer on our behalf. We know that so many of you, this morning before the sun woke up, were on your knees praying for us. Please know that we felt your prayers for peace. We felt your prayers the whole way with us. And we are humbled and beyond grateful to have each and every one of you walking this journey with us. The journey is not over. We have a lot of travel in our future as our sweet boy is a very very long train ride away from Kyiv. His orphanage has never completed an international adoption so we are swimming in uncharted waters. Our facilitator is wonderful and has done this before (with an orphanage having never done an international adoption). Our prayers, right now, go like this:
For Jakes back. Having a plate and screws in your spine isn't exactly conducive for international travel. So far, he has done very well. The train ride we are looking at to get to our boy is about 18 hours. That's 18 hours to the orphanage. Then 18 hours back to the airport. Then a lot of flying. Please pray for him as he pushes his back to the limit in the next few weeks.
For our paperwork in our little guys region to be completed expeditiously so that BOTH Jake and myself can get home to our kiddos for a few weeks while we wait for a court date. And if not both of us, at least Jake. We are praying to have at least one of us home by Cole's first day of school on August 19th. It means the world to us to make him feel so special on his big day of 2nd grade.
For all of the financial stuff to fall into place. We have a lot of expediting fees and big travel costs coming up. We know that God raised this specific amount of money for us for a reason.
For Cole and Zella to continue being awesomely strong as we are gone. We are SO proud of them!
For endurance for myself and Jake. We could REALLY use a hot shower and a starbucks right now, but that's not what God wants from us. He wants us uncomfortable. Please pray that we remember that without less of us there cannot be more of God.
Please pray for our sweet boy. I can't share his details here yet, but please pray that he knows we are coming and that when we get there, we will bond immediately.
And now this......because some have asked. Yes, we thought that we were bringing two children home. We've thought that through this whole process. But......."many are the plans in a mans heart, but its the Lords purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21. We can't question the peace that washed over us when we saw him today. We can't say to God "but wait, there should be two!". Maybe not right now. Maybe this isn't the end of the adoption road for us. Maybe God has greater plans. Maybe, just maybe, His plan, for just one child, is the PERFECT plan. We are grateful for a God that has plans greater than we can imagine for our family. One child, two children, 37 children....God's purpose prevails!
Thank you all for your love and support and words of encouragement and for your PRAYER! There is never too much or enough. Thank you and we love you all! We cannot wait to post again....with more news of God showing off!
With love from Ukraine,
McKenzee
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The Enemy
I'm going to try and be as short about this as I can. I know I need some sleep (who are we kidding) but I also know that God is taking Jake on this crazy journey not only to grow us as Christians, but as a testimony to someone that's quietly struggling. I couldn't keep this to myself. Not today.
John 10:10 - "The enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.".
Jake and I have been praying for a vision. We've been praying for a vision that would help us in our decision process when that time comes. A face, a name, gender, ANYTHING! I spent Friday night of last week pleading with God. Pacing the house, desperately seeking His presence. I haven't ever prayed so urgently before. I haven't remembered a dream in a long time, and that night, I did. We were walking into our house after returning home from Ukraine. We came home empty handed with no children. Cole walked into the house before us and when I walked in, there was a HUGE rattlesnake, in our kitchen, coiled and ready to strike Cole and the rest of us. And that was the end of the dream. I know what snakes represent. That dream served as my warning. The enemy is lurking, waiting to strike. And he will use some of our greatest fears to cripple us. He struck today.
We have known from the day that God led us to adopt in Ukraine that a lot of the children available for international adoption aren't deemed "healthy". In adoption world, the word "healthy" is very loosely used and I think it's safe to assume that children living in orphanages will have some issues, whether they be social, mental, physical, whatever. These children are broken and hurting and living in less than desirable conditions. Right now in Ukraine it is almost the perfect storm. Apparently a ridiculous number of people are on vacation, paperwork is getting back logged up back logged, referrals aren't being processed the way they should be, etc. We received a call from our facilitator today telling us that due to this "perfect storm" there are "no good referrals". A good referral would be a child a mild or correctable medical condition. So you can imagine what a "not good" referral will be. She gave us options. Options to request a rescheduled appointment date and a few others. She reiterated that their goal was to make sure that we bring home an addition to our family, so if we wanted to reschedule that was ok. We had to make a decision by tonight if we were going to move forward with our appointment on the 7th or not.
Here's what I know.....the enemy comes to distract. To separate us from what we know to be truth. And today, that's what he did. He took a mustard seed sized non-issue and used it to play on some of our greatest fears. And what is that fear? That God will take us even further out of our comfort zone. When our facilitator first gave me the options I knew the answer. We go anyways. She calls it taking a gamble. I call it walking in faith. And then I told Jake and yeah, we were both discouraged. And the first thing we did was pray. I don't even think Jake knew the words that were coming out of his mouth. 20 minutes later Jake read to me Phillipians 3:12-14 -"12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Yes! We press on! Why? Because God called us to adoption. He went WAY out of His way to first call me and then Jake and Cole. He raised $26,000 for us. We didn't do that. God did that. He surrounded us with people that have a heart for God and a heart for orphans to pray us through this tough stuff. God has created His very own perfect storm in us. We press on.
So what? What happens if we open the file and there's a disability? When I was pregnant with Cole and Zella and they offered us all of the testing for downs syndrome and spina bifida, etc. we declined. Why? Because it didn't matter. EVERY child is a gift from the Lord. We knew that God was blessing us with the perfect children for our family. And we know that still today. We will show up on August 7th. We will pray without ceasing. We will be especially sensitive to His soft whispers. We will choose the file that God has chosen for us and we will love those children, without hesitation, because they are gifts from the Lord and He chose them for our family. They are ours just as much as Cole and Zella are ours. Perfectly crafted. Will it be hard? Yessir. Will we be stretched to limits we never thought our faith could go? Absolutely. BUT unlike the enemy, GOD and His promises and His truth, just as it says in John 10:10, those things bring life and life to its fullest. I choose life. I choose life for our family and all of our children. There is no room for the enemy's lies in this house so get under my feet!
And you can take that to the bank, devil!
John 10:10 - "The enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.".
Jake and I have been praying for a vision. We've been praying for a vision that would help us in our decision process when that time comes. A face, a name, gender, ANYTHING! I spent Friday night of last week pleading with God. Pacing the house, desperately seeking His presence. I haven't ever prayed so urgently before. I haven't remembered a dream in a long time, and that night, I did. We were walking into our house after returning home from Ukraine. We came home empty handed with no children. Cole walked into the house before us and when I walked in, there was a HUGE rattlesnake, in our kitchen, coiled and ready to strike Cole and the rest of us. And that was the end of the dream. I know what snakes represent. That dream served as my warning. The enemy is lurking, waiting to strike. And he will use some of our greatest fears to cripple us. He struck today.
We have known from the day that God led us to adopt in Ukraine that a lot of the children available for international adoption aren't deemed "healthy". In adoption world, the word "healthy" is very loosely used and I think it's safe to assume that children living in orphanages will have some issues, whether they be social, mental, physical, whatever. These children are broken and hurting and living in less than desirable conditions. Right now in Ukraine it is almost the perfect storm. Apparently a ridiculous number of people are on vacation, paperwork is getting back logged up back logged, referrals aren't being processed the way they should be, etc. We received a call from our facilitator today telling us that due to this "perfect storm" there are "no good referrals". A good referral would be a child a mild or correctable medical condition. So you can imagine what a "not good" referral will be. She gave us options. Options to request a rescheduled appointment date and a few others. She reiterated that their goal was to make sure that we bring home an addition to our family, so if we wanted to reschedule that was ok. We had to make a decision by tonight if we were going to move forward with our appointment on the 7th or not.
Here's what I know.....the enemy comes to distract. To separate us from what we know to be truth. And today, that's what he did. He took a mustard seed sized non-issue and used it to play on some of our greatest fears. And what is that fear? That God will take us even further out of our comfort zone. When our facilitator first gave me the options I knew the answer. We go anyways. She calls it taking a gamble. I call it walking in faith. And then I told Jake and yeah, we were both discouraged. And the first thing we did was pray. I don't even think Jake knew the words that were coming out of his mouth. 20 minutes later Jake read to me Phillipians 3:12-14 -"12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Yes! We press on! Why? Because God called us to adoption. He went WAY out of His way to first call me and then Jake and Cole. He raised $26,000 for us. We didn't do that. God did that. He surrounded us with people that have a heart for God and a heart for orphans to pray us through this tough stuff. God has created His very own perfect storm in us. We press on.
So what? What happens if we open the file and there's a disability? When I was pregnant with Cole and Zella and they offered us all of the testing for downs syndrome and spina bifida, etc. we declined. Why? Because it didn't matter. EVERY child is a gift from the Lord. We knew that God was blessing us with the perfect children for our family. And we know that still today. We will show up on August 7th. We will pray without ceasing. We will be especially sensitive to His soft whispers. We will choose the file that God has chosen for us and we will love those children, without hesitation, because they are gifts from the Lord and He chose them for our family. They are ours just as much as Cole and Zella are ours. Perfectly crafted. Will it be hard? Yessir. Will we be stretched to limits we never thought our faith could go? Absolutely. BUT unlike the enemy, GOD and His promises and His truth, just as it says in John 10:10, those things bring life and life to its fullest. I choose life. I choose life for our family and all of our children. There is no room for the enemy's lies in this house so get under my feet!
And you can take that to the bank, devil!
Monday, July 29, 2013
6 more sleeps and FAQ's
6 more sleeps!!!!! People. The preface to this journey began in May, 2012. 6 more sleeps until we get to write the book. I can't wrap my brain around this. I can't wrap my heart around it. So I'm just going. I'm just packing all our stuff up and going and not trying to process it because who can really do that? Who can really walk into an orphanage, process what the word "orphan" really means, choose to love children that are hurt and broken and have been forgotten for so long, and really and truly understand it all? I know I can't do that. And that's why I have God. He never asked me and Jake to understand. There are no red letters written in the Good Book that say "please, brethren, overanalyze every one of My plans for you until ye have full understanding and wisdom". He did say, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. So we'll go in 6 more sleeps. We'll cry when we leave Cole and Zella and we'll cry when we see the faces of our new children for the first time. We'll chew our nails off as we wait and we will pray pray pray pray. But we will not fear. 6 more sleeps.
So to answer a lot of questions, here's what will happen when we arrive in Ukraine. We arrive on Aug. 5th. Our appointment with the SDA (Ukrainian adoption authority) is bright and early on Aug. 7th. When we arrive at the appointment we will be handed anywhere from 1-10 medical files. Each file can contain either 1 child or up to 2 children. They will select children from their database to fit our criteria. Our criteria were: Age 7 or under, boy or girl, healthy or mild, treatable/correctable health issues. We will have approximately 30 minutes to choose 1 file. Once we choose a file, the paperwork will get started for a referral. We can pick the official referall up the next day and then we travel to the region of the country where the child(ren) are located. It could be as close as 20 minutes and as far as a days long train ride. Once we meet the child(ren), if we feel that "yes, this is it!" then we accept the referral and paperwork will get started to file for a court date. If, for lots of different reasons, we choose to NOT accept the referral, we travel back to the SDA and give them a written explanation of why we are turning down the first referral. We must then wait for another appointment (usually takes about a week for an appointment). You are allowed to turn down 3 referrals. That's it. 3 strikes and you're out. BUT, we are having faith that God will very clearly reveal the child(ren) He has chosen for us at the first appointment, without question, to both of us. The average time between meeting child(ren) and court is about a month. Once the court has officially named us legal guardians there is a mandatory 10 day wait before we are allowed to check the child(ren) out of the orphanage. After the 10 days are up and we beat feet, we head back to Kiev for passports, medical exams and Visas and then HOME SWEET HOME! Sounds easy, right? Well that's what we're praying for. We're praying for easy peezy lemon squeezy because this has been a wild ride and we are all ready to have our family together, complete, on US soil.
So what do we need? We need prayer! If you're tight with Jesus then we need you on our team! Seriously. I believe there is NO such thing as too much prayer. Blanket us from top to bottom and all around. Here are our main prayer requests:
1. For Cole and Zella to be so distracted while we're gone that they won't have time to miss us.....but if they do, for them to find comfort in prayer and in the amazing families that will be loving them while we are away.
2. For our flights to be on time, land safely and for us to get through customs with NO trouble.
3. For our appointment to be successful and for God to reveal, clearly, 100 % without a doubt, to both Jake and myself, which child(ren) He has chosen for us.
4. For us to be able to make decisions prayerfully regarding coming home in between meeting and court.
5. For us to bond quickly with our child(ren) (((this one makes me cry!))).
6. For us to pray without ceasing.
7. For there to be NO hold ups with paperwork, passports, visas or medical exams.
8. For us to be changed by what we will walk through. God does not take us through this heavy stuff with the intention of us walking out the same way we walked in. He has purpose. Always. Please pray that we seek Him first and that we are sensitive to His voice and His lessons.
We know that we are surrounded. Our God goes before us, walks along side us, and brings up the rear. We will not fear as we walk into this crazy, amazing, Kubnick sized journey!
Thank you all for your love and support......but mostly, for your prayer.
God bless and good night!
McKenzee
So to answer a lot of questions, here's what will happen when we arrive in Ukraine. We arrive on Aug. 5th. Our appointment with the SDA (Ukrainian adoption authority) is bright and early on Aug. 7th. When we arrive at the appointment we will be handed anywhere from 1-10 medical files. Each file can contain either 1 child or up to 2 children. They will select children from their database to fit our criteria. Our criteria were: Age 7 or under, boy or girl, healthy or mild, treatable/correctable health issues. We will have approximately 30 minutes to choose 1 file. Once we choose a file, the paperwork will get started for a referral. We can pick the official referall up the next day and then we travel to the region of the country where the child(ren) are located. It could be as close as 20 minutes and as far as a days long train ride. Once we meet the child(ren), if we feel that "yes, this is it!" then we accept the referral and paperwork will get started to file for a court date. If, for lots of different reasons, we choose to NOT accept the referral, we travel back to the SDA and give them a written explanation of why we are turning down the first referral. We must then wait for another appointment (usually takes about a week for an appointment). You are allowed to turn down 3 referrals. That's it. 3 strikes and you're out. BUT, we are having faith that God will very clearly reveal the child(ren) He has chosen for us at the first appointment, without question, to both of us. The average time between meeting child(ren) and court is about a month. Once the court has officially named us legal guardians there is a mandatory 10 day wait before we are allowed to check the child(ren) out of the orphanage. After the 10 days are up and we beat feet, we head back to Kiev for passports, medical exams and Visas and then HOME SWEET HOME! Sounds easy, right? Well that's what we're praying for. We're praying for easy peezy lemon squeezy because this has been a wild ride and we are all ready to have our family together, complete, on US soil.
So what do we need? We need prayer! If you're tight with Jesus then we need you on our team! Seriously. I believe there is NO such thing as too much prayer. Blanket us from top to bottom and all around. Here are our main prayer requests:
1. For Cole and Zella to be so distracted while we're gone that they won't have time to miss us.....but if they do, for them to find comfort in prayer and in the amazing families that will be loving them while we are away.
2. For our flights to be on time, land safely and for us to get through customs with NO trouble.
3. For our appointment to be successful and for God to reveal, clearly, 100 % without a doubt, to both Jake and myself, which child(ren) He has chosen for us.
4. For us to be able to make decisions prayerfully regarding coming home in between meeting and court.
5. For us to bond quickly with our child(ren) (((this one makes me cry!))).
6. For us to pray without ceasing.
7. For there to be NO hold ups with paperwork, passports, visas or medical exams.
8. For us to be changed by what we will walk through. God does not take us through this heavy stuff with the intention of us walking out the same way we walked in. He has purpose. Always. Please pray that we seek Him first and that we are sensitive to His voice and His lessons.
We know that we are surrounded. Our God goes before us, walks along side us, and brings up the rear. We will not fear as we walk into this crazy, amazing, Kubnick sized journey!
Thank you all for your love and support......but mostly, for your prayer.
God bless and good night!
McKenzee
Sunday, July 14, 2013
A Sparrow
When I was younger (not as young as you'd like to think) and far more delusional, I, like most of America, thought I was a singer. And not just a church song singer. I was a Mariah Carey, Lauryn Hill, Whitney Houston singer. I can still feel the walkman in my hand as I pressed rewind and flipped the "I'm Every Woman" tape over and over again. Around that same time the movie "Sister Act 2" was released and the incredible Lauryn Hill made her debut. I watched that movie ALMOST as many times as I watched "Adventures in Babysitting". While "Adventures" was watched with grandiose dreams of one day being old enough to babysit and make money doing it, "Sister Act 2" was watched for only two scenes. I would watch, then pause and try to sing it just like her. God bless my mother for never telling me how horrible I was. I can hear it in my head. Her voice is weathered and worn and scratchy and convicted and she sings "why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart feel lonely, and long for heaven and home? When Jesus is my portion. A constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches over me. His eye is on the sparrow. And I know He watches me..." The song goes on as she plays piano and my mind wandered to me standing on a stage belting out those lyrics. As I got older I FINALLY learned that I am extrememly tone deaf and the stage I dreamt of performing on disappeared but that song still resonated in some of my very lonely, very very dark times. When my children were babies and my audience became blue-eyed miracles and we spent countless hours in the rocking chair I would sing this song in their tiny little ears. I wanted them to know these things above all else. And I think that what happens sometimes in our determination to ensure that I children grow up knowing that they are loved by God regardless of any doubt they have, I think that sometimes, as parents, we forget that we too, are His children. And we too, are loved without condition. We, with our weathered and worn voices, scratchy and broken and rough and weary, can sing out to Him, tone deaf and all and sing "I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
Jake and I have struggled this week. Adoption is good for lots of things. One of those things is this.....any time you say "yes" to God, the enemy calls up his army. He knows the things that will throw you off course. For us, its financial issues and stress and anxiety. Turns out, adoption is knee deep in all of those! And this week we have worried and stressed and counted dollars and then the roof started leaking and there was an unexpected adoption fee and it piles up and the stress mounts and suddenly we found ourselves at a point where the problems seemed so big, so insurmountable, that solutions were literally unforeseeable. We had talked about them so much that our stomachs were in knots and our palms sweaty and our tones were very coarse. Our patience was thin and tear ducts dry. And in my ear I heard His whisper, "pray".
I woke up this morning feeling hopeful. I remembered that last week at church our pastor had mentioned "next week we will talk about stress and anxiety and what the Bible says about that". Jake and I laughed at each other last week. We always know God delivers His messages with direct purpose and so it was hilarious that this sermon seemed so perfectly designed for us. And that was last week, before our lives changed a little. And so this morning I woke up and I said "God, give us what You got. Cause You're all we have to stand on."
"Then Jesus said to His disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap; they have no store room or barn; yet God feeds them. And much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown in the fire, how much more will He clothe you - you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek His kingdom first, and these things will be given to you as well." Luke 12:22-31
This is the scripture that opened our sermon today. I heard Jake chuckle. Indeed, chuckle away. We had forgotten that to our Father, we are more valuable than the ravens or the sparrows or the wild flowers. We had forgotten for a minute, as we journey to bring our children home, that we too, are children. We are children of a God who is with us and goes before us and reminds us not to fear because we are His. In our attempts to raise our children to be obedient and listen and always pray first and trust God, we forgot this week that their greatest lesson is to be taught through example. By parents that always pray first, by parents that are obedient to their Father, by parents that trust Him for everything from the food on the table to the clothes on their backs, by parents that allow their Father to comfort them in times of discouragement and by parents that praise God regardless of the extremity of their storm.
Today, we are reminded that our problems are so much smaller than His greatness. Sometimes we just have to hit our knees and sit back and let God work......all the while singing, in our weathered and scratchy, tone deaf, been ugly crying for a week voices "why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart feel lonely, and long for heaven and home? When Jesus is my portion. A constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches over me. His eye is on the sparrow. And I know He watches me. I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
Jake and I have struggled this week. Adoption is good for lots of things. One of those things is this.....any time you say "yes" to God, the enemy calls up his army. He knows the things that will throw you off course. For us, its financial issues and stress and anxiety. Turns out, adoption is knee deep in all of those! And this week we have worried and stressed and counted dollars and then the roof started leaking and there was an unexpected adoption fee and it piles up and the stress mounts and suddenly we found ourselves at a point where the problems seemed so big, so insurmountable, that solutions were literally unforeseeable. We had talked about them so much that our stomachs were in knots and our palms sweaty and our tones were very coarse. Our patience was thin and tear ducts dry. And in my ear I heard His whisper, "pray".
I woke up this morning feeling hopeful. I remembered that last week at church our pastor had mentioned "next week we will talk about stress and anxiety and what the Bible says about that". Jake and I laughed at each other last week. We always know God delivers His messages with direct purpose and so it was hilarious that this sermon seemed so perfectly designed for us. And that was last week, before our lives changed a little. And so this morning I woke up and I said "God, give us what You got. Cause You're all we have to stand on."
"Then Jesus said to His disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap; they have no store room or barn; yet God feeds them. And much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown in the fire, how much more will He clothe you - you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek His kingdom first, and these things will be given to you as well." Luke 12:22-31
This is the scripture that opened our sermon today. I heard Jake chuckle. Indeed, chuckle away. We had forgotten that to our Father, we are more valuable than the ravens or the sparrows or the wild flowers. We had forgotten for a minute, as we journey to bring our children home, that we too, are children. We are children of a God who is with us and goes before us and reminds us not to fear because we are His. In our attempts to raise our children to be obedient and listen and always pray first and trust God, we forgot this week that their greatest lesson is to be taught through example. By parents that always pray first, by parents that are obedient to their Father, by parents that trust Him for everything from the food on the table to the clothes on their backs, by parents that allow their Father to comfort them in times of discouragement and by parents that praise God regardless of the extremity of their storm.
Today, we are reminded that our problems are so much smaller than His greatness. Sometimes we just have to hit our knees and sit back and let God work......all the while singing, in our weathered and scratchy, tone deaf, been ugly crying for a week voices "why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart feel lonely, and long for heaven and home? When Jesus is my portion. A constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches over me. His eye is on the sparrow. And I know He watches me. I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
A little of what I've learned as a SAHM.......
I've officially been a stay at home for just over 2 months now. I've spent more time with my family in the last two months than I have in years. And it can be frustrating.....and there are times when I want to just go for a run to get away from it (I HATE running).....and then there are times, many many more of these than the aforementioned, where I stop, breathe it in and thank God for the moment, for the sunshine, for the nothing to do-ness of a summer day, for little children that actually like me in spite of my monsterish tendencies, for the chance to soak them in, for the opportunity to love my husband without being pressed for time....because this season will pass just as quickly as the last and the next. Jake and I sat on the beach two days ago talking about God and our dreams. There are days when I feel like we aren't doing enough for God. Surely we should be acting and sacrificing and serving more outside of our home right now....and Jake, my steady, said to me "maybe right where we are, is where God wants us for right now. Did you ever think that He gave us this time, to just be still?" Oh how I love this man. I know Jake's right. This time is teach us. This time is to force us into stillness. I don't want to miss the lessons that are being taught in every single day. Here are a few things that I've learned as I've really really stopped and paid attention:
1. The hardest, absolute hardest part of my every single day is fighting selfishness. Any Mom that says that she doesn't occasionally think to herself "there's nobody cutting the crust off my bread and putting my clean underwear away. there's nobody serving me dinner first and there's nobody allowing me to have quiet time for 2 hours every afternoon.....why should I do it for them?" Its a fight being a good Mom. But what's the result? My prayer is that the result is children that grow up knowing the Lord, and never depart from His ways (Proverbs 22:6). My prayer is that one day my little girl will remember that Mommy wore hot pink jelly bracelets and Minnie Mouse ears and ate her fake cookies in leiu of a hot shower. Or that my son will remember that when Mom really really needed to paint those jars for a little extra money, that we went on a bike ride instead. My prayer is that one day my son will lead his family in Bible study each morning at the butt crack of dawn as his kids complain about having to do it. My prayer is that one day my little girl will smile as her family gags down a terrible meal that she spent all day long cooking.....and the next day, in spite of her failure, she will provide a meal for them again. My prayer is that they remember our hands touching them in the middle of the night and the whispered prayers for guidance in parenting and that when they fail, because they will, just like we do, they know how to ask forgiveness, and have full knowledge that they are covered by God's grace.
2. I made a lot of mistakes in my early parenting days. I look at some of Cole's OCD tendencies and I think to myself, "I did that to him". I believe that. My over-obessive first time Mom, over mothering completely screwed up the little boy in him. He never had on dirty clothes, never had dirty hands, always had a clean face, never had a scraped knee, the list goes on....because I was there, every single second, making sure that he was "perfect". Here's where I screwed up. He was perfect anyways. He still is. None of that outside stuff matters. I never ever let him be little. And now my Zella is 3.5. And her first year of life was tumultuous with her tummy stuff and before I knew it she was 1 and then 2 and now 3.5 and really and truly, I've missed it. Almost all of it. If I had to do it all over again......I would. This time, as a Christian. I know that our values weren't in the right place when we bought a house contingent on two incomes and sent our kids off to daycare. I'm not knocking any mother that works - good for you! - but for our family, we were driven by greed, not by contentment. And now that I'm here, at home, my prayer has shifted to making up for lost time. I pray that Cole and Zella will give me a few more years before they don't need me anymore. I've missed so so much. I'm praying that God blesses us with a few more "arrows in the quiver". They are truly blessings. Even when they drive me insane.....its a blessing. Psalm 127:3-5
3. I am not as organized or time efficient as I once thought. This explains itself. I struggle to get more than one scheduled task accomplished each day. Homeschool Moms, you are my heros. For real. FOR REAL. Last night we played UNO and Jake held the number 4 card up and said "Zella, what number is this?" she replied "22!!!". So there you go. Anybody need an extra student this summer? LOL. Also, God bless the women at daycare, the pre-teachers, that teach kids how to read, write, count and wipe from front to back. You are saints and your heroic efforts on a daily basis are not lost on me.
4. There is no end to housework. How did I EVER do this when I worked? Seriously. If my dog blows one more winter coat I will have vacuumed up enough hair to make a parka. The dust is endless. How is this possible? It. Never. Ends. BUT........Proverbs 31:26-27.
5. I've lost friends. I have changed. Everything has changed. And while it's painful, it has to be ok. I can't be one foot in, and one foot out. And you know, I might be doing this all wrong. I might be throwing myself way too much into my family and not focusing on myself and every woman needs alone time and all that jazz. I do believe that all women need time to regroup. Sometimes just a pee break with no one needing a snack in the middle of it is the most refreshing part of my day.....the real friends are the ones that understand that I have chosen to be a Christian, wife, and mother before all other things....the real friends are the ones that call anyways. They're the ones that don't judge me even when our beliefs don't line up. They're the ones that when I'm a flaky friend and haven't called in two months because well, there's that time management thing again, they're the ones that still love me for me, not what I can or can't do for them. You know who you are. Thank you for being faithful.
I've learned more about myself in the last 2 months than I thought possible. Its been humbling, and hard, and there were days when I cried and cried thinking that I made a huge mistake in leaving work. Sure, there are things that we still struggle through every day. We are human. Some days are better than others. Some days are sunshiney and butterflies and rainbows and some days I'm on my knees all day just praying that bed time will hurry up because mama's last nerve is almost broken. But with every fight that we throw ourselves into.........nobody ever said it would be easy, but it will be worth it. Phillippians 1:6
1. The hardest, absolute hardest part of my every single day is fighting selfishness. Any Mom that says that she doesn't occasionally think to herself "there's nobody cutting the crust off my bread and putting my clean underwear away. there's nobody serving me dinner first and there's nobody allowing me to have quiet time for 2 hours every afternoon.....why should I do it for them?" Its a fight being a good Mom. But what's the result? My prayer is that the result is children that grow up knowing the Lord, and never depart from His ways (Proverbs 22:6). My prayer is that one day my little girl will remember that Mommy wore hot pink jelly bracelets and Minnie Mouse ears and ate her fake cookies in leiu of a hot shower. Or that my son will remember that when Mom really really needed to paint those jars for a little extra money, that we went on a bike ride instead. My prayer is that one day my son will lead his family in Bible study each morning at the butt crack of dawn as his kids complain about having to do it. My prayer is that one day my little girl will smile as her family gags down a terrible meal that she spent all day long cooking.....and the next day, in spite of her failure, she will provide a meal for them again. My prayer is that they remember our hands touching them in the middle of the night and the whispered prayers for guidance in parenting and that when they fail, because they will, just like we do, they know how to ask forgiveness, and have full knowledge that they are covered by God's grace.
2. I made a lot of mistakes in my early parenting days. I look at some of Cole's OCD tendencies and I think to myself, "I did that to him". I believe that. My over-obessive first time Mom, over mothering completely screwed up the little boy in him. He never had on dirty clothes, never had dirty hands, always had a clean face, never had a scraped knee, the list goes on....because I was there, every single second, making sure that he was "perfect". Here's where I screwed up. He was perfect anyways. He still is. None of that outside stuff matters. I never ever let him be little. And now my Zella is 3.5. And her first year of life was tumultuous with her tummy stuff and before I knew it she was 1 and then 2 and now 3.5 and really and truly, I've missed it. Almost all of it. If I had to do it all over again......I would. This time, as a Christian. I know that our values weren't in the right place when we bought a house contingent on two incomes and sent our kids off to daycare. I'm not knocking any mother that works - good for you! - but for our family, we were driven by greed, not by contentment. And now that I'm here, at home, my prayer has shifted to making up for lost time. I pray that Cole and Zella will give me a few more years before they don't need me anymore. I've missed so so much. I'm praying that God blesses us with a few more "arrows in the quiver". They are truly blessings. Even when they drive me insane.....its a blessing. Psalm 127:3-5
3. I am not as organized or time efficient as I once thought. This explains itself. I struggle to get more than one scheduled task accomplished each day. Homeschool Moms, you are my heros. For real. FOR REAL. Last night we played UNO and Jake held the number 4 card up and said "Zella, what number is this?" she replied "22!!!". So there you go. Anybody need an extra student this summer? LOL. Also, God bless the women at daycare, the pre-teachers, that teach kids how to read, write, count and wipe from front to back. You are saints and your heroic efforts on a daily basis are not lost on me.
4. There is no end to housework. How did I EVER do this when I worked? Seriously. If my dog blows one more winter coat I will have vacuumed up enough hair to make a parka. The dust is endless. How is this possible? It. Never. Ends. BUT........Proverbs 31:26-27.
5. I've lost friends. I have changed. Everything has changed. And while it's painful, it has to be ok. I can't be one foot in, and one foot out. And you know, I might be doing this all wrong. I might be throwing myself way too much into my family and not focusing on myself and every woman needs alone time and all that jazz. I do believe that all women need time to regroup. Sometimes just a pee break with no one needing a snack in the middle of it is the most refreshing part of my day.....the real friends are the ones that understand that I have chosen to be a Christian, wife, and mother before all other things....the real friends are the ones that call anyways. They're the ones that don't judge me even when our beliefs don't line up. They're the ones that when I'm a flaky friend and haven't called in two months because well, there's that time management thing again, they're the ones that still love me for me, not what I can or can't do for them. You know who you are. Thank you for being faithful.
I've learned more about myself in the last 2 months than I thought possible. Its been humbling, and hard, and there were days when I cried and cried thinking that I made a huge mistake in leaving work. Sure, there are things that we still struggle through every day. We are human. Some days are better than others. Some days are sunshiney and butterflies and rainbows and some days I'm on my knees all day just praying that bed time will hurry up because mama's last nerve is almost broken. But with every fight that we throw ourselves into.........nobody ever said it would be easy, but it will be worth it. Phillippians 1:6
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Timing is Everything!
I've been sitting on this long enough. I've wallowed and been in denial and realized that no matter how much I pretend that this isn't the scenario or how many times I sneak a good cry in the closet, the reality doesn't change. We heard from Ukraine. And its NOT BAD. Its also not what we expected.
Tuesday morning, while Jake and I were mid-furlough discussion, naturally, I got an email from our facilitator. She informed me that no they hadn't forgotten about us (guess she picked up my "vibe" in that last email I sent), and that our contact at the SDA in Ukraine said she expects us to receive an appointment date in.......wait for it......September. Yes. September. She explained that a lot of the children in the age group we've selected (under 7) are blessed enough to be sponsored during the summer months and they either attend summer camps in different regions of the country or they are hosted by families for several weeks in the US. In order for us to meet our children, and select them, they would actually need to be present, and a lot of them aren't. She also said that a lot of the workers take all of their vacation time during summer so things at the SDA move slower (huh. Didn't realize everywhere had the Bluffton State of Mind :)). So all of that makes sense, right? When I read it the first time it read like this "blah blah blah, you're never ever ever going to meet your kids, blah blah blah, your adoption is the longest in the history of adoptions, blah blah blah, go eat something". I walked into the bedroom and kind of tossed my phone at Jake while I morphed into an ugly cry face. I fell apart. It wasn't fair. Why is ours taking SO much longer?! I've watched kids come home who's parents didn't even know they wanted to adopt when we got started.....what are we being punished for? And as Jake held me on his chest, the Holy Spirit washed over me and reminded me of this.....
You prayed for an answer. This may not be the answer that you were expecting, but God was faithful to you in answering your prayers, just as He promised. He will not forsake you.....OR your children. He has not left you. Praise Him.
And you know, that little moment has kind of started this overwhelming conviction this week....
How often, ok, how many times in each hour of every day, do I forget to remember the prayers that He has answered. Every night I pray protection over our kids. And every morning when they pounce on me and the mommy morning monster wakes up.....God answered my prayer. They woke up. I woke up. We are safe. He protected us. Every night at dinner when we pray "bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies" and we go another week as healthy, thriving individuals. He has indeed blessed our bodies. I could go on.....but really, how many days do we forget that breathing alone, is an answered prayer?
And so what are you teaching us, God? Why this delay? Why is September better for you than say, next week? I can speculate....so I will. When I first quit work it was with the intention to be at home with our kiddos and the kiddos that are coming home. And before we knew the more realistic time frame, that was totally okay. And then the answer didn't come, and we got really really really consumed by that. Consumed by the lack of an answer. And more than anything, consumed by the process of adoption. And now that I see what that consumption has done, I get it. We let our prayers, and the needing an answer to those prayers, become WAY more important than the One answering them. When the first thing I reached for in the morning is my phone to check my email, instead of my Bible to fill my cup, the balance is off. When I will complain and cry and whine that "its so haaaaaard not knowing" but I won't hit my knees and just ask already, there's a problem. I believe God gave me this time at home to bring my family back to focus. To remind us that He still reigns. Not adoption. Not Cole and Zella. Not church softball. Not church. Not what people will think (or say) when they hear there's ANOTHER delay. But God. He gave us this time to convict us. Because He knows that we are going to need Him closer than ever before in just two short months.
People will say to us, after finding out about the adoption, "well I commend you for what you're doing" "well hats off to you and your husband for what you're doing" "wow. I could never do what you're doing". And I let them say it. I allowed that one little pat on the back and that's all it took. Please don't commend us. We haven't done anything. Commend the mothers that lay in bed every night alone as their Marines fight a fight for a commander in chief that doesn't respect them. Tip your hats to me because I'm raising the kids I have now. Pat yourself on the back for raising your own kids in a crazy, messed up world. And yes, you could totally do what we're doing. Because truly, we are doing nothing. Yep. We're going to have a few more mouths to feed. Yep. I will more than likely be buying stock in Clorox wipes. I might not sleep well for several months (me and sleep don't seem to get along anyways). But what really, am I doing other than the same thing that every mother on the planet already does? Nothing. Except that I'm COMPLETELY RELYING ON GOD TO GUIDE ME. Enter conviction. We've been struggling with parenting. Our kids are in that transition phase where everything we were doing 6 months ago isn't really working all so great anymore. And we've been frustrated. There have been great, awesome days. And there have been so not at all cool days. Why is it that I am willing to completely rely on God to guide me through an adoption, and through parenting adopted children, but I'll go to Dr. Dobson when I have a wooden spoon issue instead of talking to God? Why is it that I will completely rely on God to raise $26,000.00 to bring these children home, but when the good ol' gov'ment tells me that we are losing 20% of our pay because a bunch of fogeys can't balance a checkbook, I panic, post on FB, cry a little and maybe pray AFTER all that? How come, when Jake and I argue, I'll call my sister, and not call on my FATHER? God gave us this time for a purpose. He is answering prayers that I haven't even prayed yet. He's gently grabbing us with both hands, by the cheeks, and turning our faces back in the right direction.
Does it hurt my heart to look at the Pros and Cons list of traveling in September? It does. Because I hurt for Cole and Zella. And I hurt for our two kids that hope every day for a mama and papa. Two months is eternity in kid time. And in Mama time. But in just a week of refocus our family dynamic has shifted. God is shaping us into a home that will be perfect for two new little ones. He's changing me and Jake and training us to focus on what we have.....and not what we're missing. He's reminding me that I am where He wants me, at the heart of the home. My paycheck is my family. There is no greater reward than loving them with Christ like compassion and watching them turn that same compassion out into the world. Do I fail? I sure do. But I'm covered in grace. I'm afforded "extended time lines" to get back on track.
This is our storm. It didn't come with the force of a hurricane. This is our years long rainy season. Thank you, Lord, for the rain. For never having to be thirsty. For the laughter (and sibling fights) that bounce off the toy room walls. For the ups and the downs that keep this life exciting. For all of Jake's quirks that make me love him more. Thank you, Lord, for giving us an even longer storm so that we can learn to praise you......at all times.
We'll get to Ukraine. We will push forward. For us, right now, faith means that timing is everything....and not OUR timing, but HIS timing.
Tuesday morning, while Jake and I were mid-furlough discussion, naturally, I got an email from our facilitator. She informed me that no they hadn't forgotten about us (guess she picked up my "vibe" in that last email I sent), and that our contact at the SDA in Ukraine said she expects us to receive an appointment date in.......wait for it......September. Yes. September. She explained that a lot of the children in the age group we've selected (under 7) are blessed enough to be sponsored during the summer months and they either attend summer camps in different regions of the country or they are hosted by families for several weeks in the US. In order for us to meet our children, and select them, they would actually need to be present, and a lot of them aren't. She also said that a lot of the workers take all of their vacation time during summer so things at the SDA move slower (huh. Didn't realize everywhere had the Bluffton State of Mind :)). So all of that makes sense, right? When I read it the first time it read like this "blah blah blah, you're never ever ever going to meet your kids, blah blah blah, your adoption is the longest in the history of adoptions, blah blah blah, go eat something". I walked into the bedroom and kind of tossed my phone at Jake while I morphed into an ugly cry face. I fell apart. It wasn't fair. Why is ours taking SO much longer?! I've watched kids come home who's parents didn't even know they wanted to adopt when we got started.....what are we being punished for? And as Jake held me on his chest, the Holy Spirit washed over me and reminded me of this.....
You prayed for an answer. This may not be the answer that you were expecting, but God was faithful to you in answering your prayers, just as He promised. He will not forsake you.....OR your children. He has not left you. Praise Him.
And you know, that little moment has kind of started this overwhelming conviction this week....
How often, ok, how many times in each hour of every day, do I forget to remember the prayers that He has answered. Every night I pray protection over our kids. And every morning when they pounce on me and the mommy morning monster wakes up.....God answered my prayer. They woke up. I woke up. We are safe. He protected us. Every night at dinner when we pray "bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies" and we go another week as healthy, thriving individuals. He has indeed blessed our bodies. I could go on.....but really, how many days do we forget that breathing alone, is an answered prayer?
And so what are you teaching us, God? Why this delay? Why is September better for you than say, next week? I can speculate....so I will. When I first quit work it was with the intention to be at home with our kiddos and the kiddos that are coming home. And before we knew the more realistic time frame, that was totally okay. And then the answer didn't come, and we got really really really consumed by that. Consumed by the lack of an answer. And more than anything, consumed by the process of adoption. And now that I see what that consumption has done, I get it. We let our prayers, and the needing an answer to those prayers, become WAY more important than the One answering them. When the first thing I reached for in the morning is my phone to check my email, instead of my Bible to fill my cup, the balance is off. When I will complain and cry and whine that "its so haaaaaard not knowing" but I won't hit my knees and just ask already, there's a problem. I believe God gave me this time at home to bring my family back to focus. To remind us that He still reigns. Not adoption. Not Cole and Zella. Not church softball. Not church. Not what people will think (or say) when they hear there's ANOTHER delay. But God. He gave us this time to convict us. Because He knows that we are going to need Him closer than ever before in just two short months.
People will say to us, after finding out about the adoption, "well I commend you for what you're doing" "well hats off to you and your husband for what you're doing" "wow. I could never do what you're doing". And I let them say it. I allowed that one little pat on the back and that's all it took. Please don't commend us. We haven't done anything. Commend the mothers that lay in bed every night alone as their Marines fight a fight for a commander in chief that doesn't respect them. Tip your hats to me because I'm raising the kids I have now. Pat yourself on the back for raising your own kids in a crazy, messed up world. And yes, you could totally do what we're doing. Because truly, we are doing nothing. Yep. We're going to have a few more mouths to feed. Yep. I will more than likely be buying stock in Clorox wipes. I might not sleep well for several months (me and sleep don't seem to get along anyways). But what really, am I doing other than the same thing that every mother on the planet already does? Nothing. Except that I'm COMPLETELY RELYING ON GOD TO GUIDE ME. Enter conviction. We've been struggling with parenting. Our kids are in that transition phase where everything we were doing 6 months ago isn't really working all so great anymore. And we've been frustrated. There have been great, awesome days. And there have been so not at all cool days. Why is it that I am willing to completely rely on God to guide me through an adoption, and through parenting adopted children, but I'll go to Dr. Dobson when I have a wooden spoon issue instead of talking to God? Why is it that I will completely rely on God to raise $26,000.00 to bring these children home, but when the good ol' gov'ment tells me that we are losing 20% of our pay because a bunch of fogeys can't balance a checkbook, I panic, post on FB, cry a little and maybe pray AFTER all that? How come, when Jake and I argue, I'll call my sister, and not call on my FATHER? God gave us this time for a purpose. He is answering prayers that I haven't even prayed yet. He's gently grabbing us with both hands, by the cheeks, and turning our faces back in the right direction.
Does it hurt my heart to look at the Pros and Cons list of traveling in September? It does. Because I hurt for Cole and Zella. And I hurt for our two kids that hope every day for a mama and papa. Two months is eternity in kid time. And in Mama time. But in just a week of refocus our family dynamic has shifted. God is shaping us into a home that will be perfect for two new little ones. He's changing me and Jake and training us to focus on what we have.....and not what we're missing. He's reminding me that I am where He wants me, at the heart of the home. My paycheck is my family. There is no greater reward than loving them with Christ like compassion and watching them turn that same compassion out into the world. Do I fail? I sure do. But I'm covered in grace. I'm afforded "extended time lines" to get back on track.
This is our storm. It didn't come with the force of a hurricane. This is our years long rainy season. Thank you, Lord, for the rain. For never having to be thirsty. For the laughter (and sibling fights) that bounce off the toy room walls. For the ups and the downs that keep this life exciting. For all of Jake's quirks that make me love him more. Thank you, Lord, for giving us an even longer storm so that we can learn to praise you......at all times.
We'll get to Ukraine. We will push forward. For us, right now, faith means that timing is everything....and not OUR timing, but HIS timing.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
The GREAT news and What's next?.....and a little piece of this girls mind.....
So we got AMAZING news on Monday night! We are officially registered as adopting parents in Ukraine!! Hooray! (spirit fingers) We don't have an appointment date yet - but that's OK because at least now we know our seemingly endless paperwork (and paperwork correction) is over and we can wait in peace for the appointment date that will absolutely come some day soon. So that's our amazing news (keeping it short and sweet tonight, kids!).
We've had so many people ask us "ok, what's next?". Here's how it works......we will receive an appointment at the SDA in Ukraine. When we arrive at the appointment, we will be given an undisclosed number of medical records (could be 1, could be 10) of children that match our requested criteria. We said any boy or girl, or sibling set of 2, age 7 or under. We will have, along with our translator, approximately 30-45 minutes to go through the medical records and select the child/children that we would like to meet. Then we file for a "referral". The referral can usually be picked up the next day. Once we have the referral we travel to the region that the childrens' orphanage is in. For regions think of it like counties.We will meet the child/children and determine whether or not these are in fact "our kids". If we have any concerns, or if for any reason we have to deny the first children we select to meet, we go back to the SDA and start again with medical records, etc. You are only allowed to do this 3 times. HOWEVER, we have faith that God will reveal our children to us immediately. Once we decide to proceed with adopting certain children, the paperwork starts, a court date is requested. Once a judge determines that we are fit to adopt the child/children, there is a mandatory 10 day wait period before we are allowed to sign the kids out of the orphanage (cause you know, they haven't been there long enough). After the 10 day wait, we check the kids out and head back to Kyiv for Visas, Passports, medical exit exams, etc. The total trip will probably be about 5 weeks.
In March, we went to a prayer night for the adoption ministry at our church. One of our incredible prayer warriors was praying for us and prayed for Jake to receive a sign about our children....if it's one or two, gender, a face, even a shirt color so that when we see the pictures, we are 100% sure that those are the children God chose for us. That was on a Monday night. The next day Jake completely surprised me with a new mini van. It came with two sets of headphones as part of the package. He went out to the van to grab the headphones and he came back inside laughing and shaking his head. When he went out to get the headphones, there weren't two sets, there were 4. We don't believe that there is such a thing as a "coincidence" with God. There is direct purpose in everything, we just have to be looking for it. We wholeheartedly believe that we are coming home with two children. Please pray with us during this time that God will reveal the file to us that He intends for us choose, clearly, without question. 45 mins. is NOT a lot of time to choose children.....we are trusting that He will use the time wisely and direct our eyes to the correct one.
Having said all of that, I need to say a little more.......
I took Cole to the doctor today for a check up and was talking to the doctor just about how I am a little concerned about how the emotional changes will effect Cole after the adoption. She isn't the pediatrician that we normally see so she wasn't aware that we are adopting. She's a mother and she's a pediatrician so I guess I just wasn't expecting her reaction. She asked a few questions and I explained the process just as I did above.......and her response "but even with the medical records, there are so many psychiatric issues that you might not know about it. I don't know, that's just a big risk to take." You can insert a lot of things right here that you might think went through my head.....none of your ideas are probably strong enough for what actually ran through my brain. But my response was this "it's just like having a baby. There is no promise of perfect health. But that's your child, so you just do what you have to do and you make it work." That's all I had to offer her in that moment....but its what I TRULY believe. Is it going to be hard? Yup. Does every single little tiny part of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome suck? Absolutely. Is there a gigantic risk that our children will have FAS or detachment disorders? There sure is. Does that change anything? Not a chance.
Yes. It is a huge risk. If it was easy, I wouldn't need God. If it was easy, everybody would be doing it and there wouldn't be an orphan crisis. If it wasn't a risk, I wouldn't be terrified of what I'm walking into, and I wouldn't be 100% reliant on God for the strength to walk it out. We aren't patting ourselves on the back here. There are days when Jake and I look at each other and say "we are surely crazy". Jake said it best the other night when he said "I'm just a guy that's following instructions." And that's it. We're just a family that said "yes". When we first started talking about adoption Cole said, "let's bring an orphan to our house. They can sleep in my bed." ITS THAT SIMPLE. Give them what they don't have. Where is the risk in that? Where's the risk in obedience? Where's the risk in looking at a child with no self worth and telling them, "you are a gift from the Lord! You are a heritage! A reward!" In this house, the risk is big, but the reward is a million times bigger.
So for everyone that looks at the risk, before you look at the yield and the gains, you have it all wrong. It took us years and years and to see it like this but the risk, no matter how big, is always on the smaller side of the equation.
We don't have any idea what God is about to give us. If you think we're crazy, its ok. Cause we think we are too! But we know, and we trust, that through this journey God has been equipping us, because we are called. So bring it on, Kubnick Kiddos! Daddy and Mama have a Bible (and a Ukrainian translation app) and a whole army of prayer warriors standing behind us, there isn't anything we can't make it through.
The next time I post, we'll be making travel plans.....ITS FINALLY HAPPENING!
We've had so many people ask us "ok, what's next?". Here's how it works......we will receive an appointment at the SDA in Ukraine. When we arrive at the appointment, we will be given an undisclosed number of medical records (could be 1, could be 10) of children that match our requested criteria. We said any boy or girl, or sibling set of 2, age 7 or under. We will have, along with our translator, approximately 30-45 minutes to go through the medical records and select the child/children that we would like to meet. Then we file for a "referral". The referral can usually be picked up the next day. Once we have the referral we travel to the region that the childrens' orphanage is in. For regions think of it like counties.We will meet the child/children and determine whether or not these are in fact "our kids". If we have any concerns, or if for any reason we have to deny the first children we select to meet, we go back to the SDA and start again with medical records, etc. You are only allowed to do this 3 times. HOWEVER, we have faith that God will reveal our children to us immediately. Once we decide to proceed with adopting certain children, the paperwork starts, a court date is requested. Once a judge determines that we are fit to adopt the child/children, there is a mandatory 10 day wait period before we are allowed to sign the kids out of the orphanage (cause you know, they haven't been there long enough). After the 10 day wait, we check the kids out and head back to Kyiv for Visas, Passports, medical exit exams, etc. The total trip will probably be about 5 weeks.
In March, we went to a prayer night for the adoption ministry at our church. One of our incredible prayer warriors was praying for us and prayed for Jake to receive a sign about our children....if it's one or two, gender, a face, even a shirt color so that when we see the pictures, we are 100% sure that those are the children God chose for us. That was on a Monday night. The next day Jake completely surprised me with a new mini van. It came with two sets of headphones as part of the package. He went out to the van to grab the headphones and he came back inside laughing and shaking his head. When he went out to get the headphones, there weren't two sets, there were 4. We don't believe that there is such a thing as a "coincidence" with God. There is direct purpose in everything, we just have to be looking for it. We wholeheartedly believe that we are coming home with two children. Please pray with us during this time that God will reveal the file to us that He intends for us choose, clearly, without question. 45 mins. is NOT a lot of time to choose children.....we are trusting that He will use the time wisely and direct our eyes to the correct one.
Having said all of that, I need to say a little more.......
I took Cole to the doctor today for a check up and was talking to the doctor just about how I am a little concerned about how the emotional changes will effect Cole after the adoption. She isn't the pediatrician that we normally see so she wasn't aware that we are adopting. She's a mother and she's a pediatrician so I guess I just wasn't expecting her reaction. She asked a few questions and I explained the process just as I did above.......and her response "but even with the medical records, there are so many psychiatric issues that you might not know about it. I don't know, that's just a big risk to take." You can insert a lot of things right here that you might think went through my head.....none of your ideas are probably strong enough for what actually ran through my brain. But my response was this "it's just like having a baby. There is no promise of perfect health. But that's your child, so you just do what you have to do and you make it work." That's all I had to offer her in that moment....but its what I TRULY believe. Is it going to be hard? Yup. Does every single little tiny part of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome suck? Absolutely. Is there a gigantic risk that our children will have FAS or detachment disorders? There sure is. Does that change anything? Not a chance.
Yes. It is a huge risk. If it was easy, I wouldn't need God. If it was easy, everybody would be doing it and there wouldn't be an orphan crisis. If it wasn't a risk, I wouldn't be terrified of what I'm walking into, and I wouldn't be 100% reliant on God for the strength to walk it out. We aren't patting ourselves on the back here. There are days when Jake and I look at each other and say "we are surely crazy". Jake said it best the other night when he said "I'm just a guy that's following instructions." And that's it. We're just a family that said "yes". When we first started talking about adoption Cole said, "let's bring an orphan to our house. They can sleep in my bed." ITS THAT SIMPLE. Give them what they don't have. Where is the risk in that? Where's the risk in obedience? Where's the risk in looking at a child with no self worth and telling them, "you are a gift from the Lord! You are a heritage! A reward!" In this house, the risk is big, but the reward is a million times bigger.
So for everyone that looks at the risk, before you look at the yield and the gains, you have it all wrong. It took us years and years and to see it like this but the risk, no matter how big, is always on the smaller side of the equation.
We don't have any idea what God is about to give us. If you think we're crazy, its ok. Cause we think we are too! But we know, and we trust, that through this journey God has been equipping us, because we are called. So bring it on, Kubnick Kiddos! Daddy and Mama have a Bible (and a Ukrainian translation app) and a whole army of prayer warriors standing behind us, there isn't anything we can't make it through.
The next time I post, we'll be making travel plans.....ITS FINALLY HAPPENING!
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