A Sparrow

When I was younger (not as young as you'd like to think) and far more delusional, I, like most of America, thought I was a singer. And not just a church song singer. I was a Mariah Carey, Lauryn Hill, Whitney Houston singer. I can still feel the walkman in my hand as I pressed rewind and flipped the "I'm Every Woman" tape over and over again. Around that same time the movie "Sister Act 2" was released and the incredible Lauryn Hill made her debut. I watched that movie ALMOST as many times as I watched "Adventures in Babysitting". While "Adventures" was watched with grandiose dreams of one day being old enough to babysit and make money doing it, "Sister Act 2" was watched for only two scenes. I would watch, then pause and try to sing it just like her. God bless my mother for never telling me how horrible I was. I can hear it in my head. Her voice is weathered and worn and scratchy and convicted and she sings "why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart feel lonely, and long for heaven and home? When Jesus is my portion. A constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches over me. His eye is on the sparrow. And I know He watches me..."  The song goes on as she plays piano and my mind wandered to me standing on a stage belting out those lyrics. As I got older I FINALLY learned that I am extrememly tone deaf and the stage I dreamt of performing on disappeared but that song still resonated in some of my very lonely, very very dark times. When my children were babies and my audience became blue-eyed miracles and we spent countless hours in the rocking chair I would sing this song in their tiny little ears. I wanted them to know these things above all else. And I think that what happens sometimes in our determination to ensure that I children grow up knowing that they are loved by God regardless of any doubt they have, I think that sometimes, as parents, we forget that we too, are His children. And we too, are loved without condition. We, with our weathered and worn voices, scratchy and broken and rough and weary, can sing out to Him, tone deaf and all and sing "I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

Jake and I have struggled this week. Adoption is good for lots of things. One of those things is this.....any time you say "yes" to God, the enemy calls up his army. He knows the things that will throw you off course. For us, its financial issues and stress and anxiety. Turns out, adoption is knee deep in all of those! And this week we have worried and stressed and counted dollars and then the roof started leaking and there was an unexpected adoption fee and it piles up and the stress mounts and suddenly we found ourselves at a point where the problems seemed so big, so insurmountable, that solutions were literally unforeseeable. We had talked about them so much that our stomachs were in knots and our palms sweaty and our tones were very coarse. Our patience was thin and tear ducts dry. And in my ear I heard His whisper, "pray". 

I woke up this morning feeling hopeful. I remembered that last week at church our pastor had mentioned "next week we will talk about stress and anxiety and what the Bible says about that". Jake and I laughed at each other last week. We always know God delivers His messages with direct purpose and so it was hilarious that this sermon seemed so perfectly designed for us. And that was last week, before our lives changed a little.  And so this morning I woke up and I said "God, give us what You got. Cause You're all we have to stand on."

"Then Jesus said to His disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap; they have no store room or barn; yet God feeds them. And much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown in the fire, how much more will He clothe you - you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek His kingdom first, and these things will be given to you as well." Luke 12:22-31

This is the scripture that opened our sermon today. I heard Jake chuckle. Indeed, chuckle away. We had forgotten that to our Father, we are more valuable than the ravens or the sparrows or the wild flowers. We had forgotten for a minute, as we journey to bring our children home, that we too, are children. We are children of a God who is with us and goes before us and reminds us not to fear because we are His. In our attempts to raise our children to be obedient and listen and always pray first and trust God, we forgot this week that their greatest lesson is to be taught through example. By parents that always pray first, by parents that are obedient to their Father, by parents that trust Him for everything from the food on the table to the clothes on their backs, by parents that allow their Father to comfort them in times of discouragement and by parents that praise God regardless of the extremity of their storm. 

Today, we are reminded that our problems are so much smaller than His greatness. Sometimes we just have to hit our knees and sit back and let God work......all the while singing, in our weathered and scratchy, tone deaf, been ugly crying for a week voices "why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart feel lonely, and long for heaven and home? When Jesus is my portion. A constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches over me. His eye is on the sparrow. And I know He watches me. I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."