We've been home now for 8 days. Back in the land of excess and women that wear tennis shoes. The FIRST thing that happened when we landed in Detroit? An Einstein Brothers Hazelnut Latte. That's what happened. And then my stomach said "hey! You haven't had dairy in two weeks!" and yeah, that happened as well. Both of our cell phones exploded. We were thrilled to be able to answer and chit chat and know that after just one more flight, our arms would be wrapped around Cole and Zella. And then the flight in Detroit got delayed (you can laugh. Its ok). We walked through the door of our house at 7pm. I don't think any of us stopped smiling that whole night. It felt AHHHHH-MAZING to shower and shave my legs and actually feel ok about touching the walls of the shower and to sleep in my very own bed that was not suspect of anyone elses' germs. And while I was basking and wallowing and rolling around in all of my home sweet American home glory, I was missing something......
On our flight from Detroit to Savannah we were talking to a couple that had considered adoption as a solution to their infertility. They asked SO many questions and I could tell by their reactions that even though they had JUST found out that they were pregnant with twins, parts of their hearts were still in adoption. I was explaining to the husband some of the experiences we had with children at our little man's orphanage. The husband was on the verge of tears as I confidently sat there, stoic. He just kept saying "that must be the most heartbreaking thing ever". And it occurred to me that I had not, at all, even come close to beginning to process what Jake and I had just walked through. The morning after we arrived home, we walked into church, and my mind began to process. It began to work its' way around the sights and the smells and the emotions and the tragedy and the HUGEness of our two week whirlwind.......and that was my wrecking ball. And it hasn't stopped swinging for 8 days.
I thought that when God called us to adoption, He was wrecking us. When God whispered "Ukraine" in Jakes ear and we learned that there was no pre-selection I thought surely that was God's final wrecking. When He told us to leave Cole and Zella behind, oh and you might be gone for 6 weeks but its all kind of up in the air, I thought, "oh ok, God. THAT's the wrecking ball." I was wrong. On all accounts. THIS, the part where He has convicted us and laid the control in our court, THIS is Him wrecking us.
Jake and I advocate for adoption. When people ask us about adoption and we give them our pretty little packaged up answer in our sweetest little Southern voices "The Lord really touched us for orphans....." they just smile and nod and "oh good for you! The world needs more people like you!" and Jake and I walk away feeling ashamed as if we've taken credit for something that we deserve NO credit for. We feel like we failed. "I don't want you to think I'm a good person! I want you to look at their faces! I want you to imagine poverty so tragic that you're forced to leave your little girl in her smocked seer sucker dress and her pink bow the size of Texas at a state run orphanage and pray and beg God to send someone to adopt her so that at least she can live even if its without you! I want you to look at your own life and realize that you are NO different than the faces of these 20 pound 10 year old, dirty, African children.......except for this one thing. When you were starving. When you were thirsty and begging for a drink at the well, your Father didn't turn away as if you didn't exist. He DIED. He bled. He rose from the dead. For you. But you pretend like these children........just as naked and ashamed as you are under your clothes, you scoff and say 'its someone elses problem. Someone else will feed them. Someone else will give them the same life that I have and don't deserve.' I don't need your high five. I need you to care".......that's what I want to say when they tell me they admire what we're doing. And every time we DON'T say this, which is every single time, God drives the hurt a little deeper. It's easy to cover it up here. It's easy to be here in the land of plenty and push all of that deep, deep down.......it's that same place, deep deep down, that's where God is. I never could figure out why I couldn't hear Him better. I would pray and pray and pray and "God why can't I HEAR you?! I seek Your face and Your presence and feel so out of touch!" and all the while, He was there.
I'm just going to put this out there.....I'm an inner circle kind of girl. I like my "people" and I LOVE my home. Inside these walls it is safe and cozy and with the push of a little button I can control the climate in 3 different zones in our house. We are overwhelmed with luxury and I can't even lie, I like it. I enjoy this life. Ukraine was not the place for me. I'm more of Caribbean traveler. You know, white sandy beaches, crystal blue water, a random man repairing a thatched roof hut while another serves you fruity stuff in a coconut. That's me. Ukraine was not that. I was uncomfortable there. It was beautiful. It's a totally different landscape than I've ever seen before. And I was uncomfortable. I was out of place. I was tired. I felt dirty because my hair had this grossish film thing happening. My feet had blisters from walking in the wrong shoes. And there's not a whole lot of dedorant use happening there. Have I mentioned that I have a smell issue? I do. Terrible predicament to have. But bottom line......I was uncomfortable. We showed up with NO idea of what was going to happen. We had NO idea what God's plans for us entailed. We had an extreme communication issue with the language barrier. And Wi-Fi was hit or miss (the horror!!!!!!). And in that country, in all of the physical discomfort, my soul rested. For the first time in a really really long time, I wasn't fighting Him.....because He won. I could HEAR GOD CLEARLY. The breeze would blow and it was like I was walking hand in hand with the Holy Spirit. We talked all day. We talked all night. He was there, just like He always is, and I was finally present. FINALLY. Because that was where God wanted us. Completely reliant on Him. Completely dependent on Him for guidance and companionship. Completely in His will. If for only 2 weeks, we were there...........and we miss it. And we know God is calling us to voice those thoughts that we push down. We know God is calling us to step out. We just don't know how......I can start here.
Adoption is hard. It just is. Not everyone is called to adopt. Not everyone is called to give to adoption. But I think we are all called. We are all called to something. We are all called to that place of "uncomfortable". Every single persons "uncomfortable" place will be different. But I guarantee that if you're in Gods will in going to that place, you'll find Him there. And once you find Him, you will hunger for His presence like you never have before. You will race back to that same horrible discomfort, just to find Him again. And maybe adoption is for you. If you fall into that category, let me say this to you........don't ignore the call. Pray about it. There is NOTHING that God won't equip you for in the process. You might feel unequipped. You might feel like you aren't a "good enough parent". You might play the age card. You might have concerns about how your bio kids will be effected. Just pray about it. Because there are millions of children that are just waiting for someone to say "yes". When I look at our son and hear his story (I so hope to share this with you one day!) I realize that he was perfectly designed for our family. And I see his friends, literally clawing their way out of classrooms at the orphanage and throwing themselves at our feet and taking us by the hand and trying to run away with us, those children were perfectly designed for someones family. But someone has to say yes. If not you, who? Who will turn toward them instead of away? Who will SHOW them the love of Jesus? If not you, WHO?
Our wrecking ball is still swinging. God is calling us to levels of discomfort we've never known......and if it gets us closer to Him, we're going. All 5 of us. Because if not us, then who?
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
Update!
Since I last updated......so much has happened!!!!
On Monday, August 12th, Jake and I traveled 14 hours across Ukraine to Mukacheve. From Mukacheve we went to Beregovo where we found the ONLY hotel room in town. From there we immediately picked up the SDA inspector and traveled to a teeny tiny town, Bene, to the orphanage where our sweet D lives. We were warned ahead of time of the condition of the orphanage. His was supposed to be one of the poorest in the country. Jake and I spent most of the morning preparing our hearts for what we would see that day. But we pulled up to the orphanage gates and they were painted a bright, fun, turquoise. The gates opened to a long rock drive lined with greenery and flower gardens inside painted tires with kids' hand prints all over them. To the right of the driveway was a sprawling play area. Hand carved wooden swings and a pirate ship and a choo choo train. Monkey bars and a gazebo and weeping willows offering shade to the children in the hot summer sun. We were ushered into the orphanage directors office and (she's amazing by the way) we started chatting. Again, Jake and I were very unsure of what to expect. We were told that D had some health concerns that led us to believe that he could be quite sick. After about 30 minutes of Q & A with the inspector and director, we saw a tiny little face poke around a corner. And then we saw his grin. His giant, toothy grin. He told our translator that he has been waiting for us (melt my heart).
He's a VERY affectionate little guy. He hopped up on the sofa next to Jake nuzzled his head right under Jakes arm. We brought a photo album with us with pictures of our family, home, the beach, and a few of our sweet chocolate lab Brandy. D opened the album and the first picture he saw was our family picture. He gasped. He ran his hand across the photo at least 10 times. Then he moved his hand so it was resting on Jakes leg as he belly laughed his way through the rest of the album. He's healthy. He's smart. He's beautiful. He has been praying for a family.
Jake and I had limited time with him this week. The orphanage only allowed us to visit each day from 10-11 and from 4-5. We spent the time in between that doing a literal paperwork chase. Our translator is amazing (seriously.....if anybody has ever considered Ukrainian adoption, lets talk because this woman LOVES children and works her absolute hardest to get them into families). She did two weeks worth of paperwork in 3 days in an effort to get us home from Coles first day of school.
Here's the super hard stuff.......D doesn't understand what takes so long. He doesn't understand why he can't leave with us. He doesn't understand that we are coming back for him. It hurts my heart to know that he cries for us at night. 3 weeks is going to be a very very long time to be away from him. I considered sending Jake home and me staying in Ukraine......but God answered those thoughts when there was NO lodging anywhere for me after the day that we left. We prayed for an answer, and we got one.
SO, in about 2 and a half weeks, Jake and I will return to Ukraine for our official court date that says D is a Kubnick! Then, I will stay in Ukraine for a few more weeks while we wait out some of Ukraines 10 day wait periods and birth certificates and passports and medical exams and Jake will return home to be with Cole and Zella and well, lets just be honest, bring home the bacon. There are lots of emotions today....LOTS. But I'm saving them for a shorter post - you're welcome.
I need to make a couple of PSA's......
1. We have had SO many people say to us "you guys are amazing! We need more people like you!". Jake and I were talking the other night and we don't know what to say when people say that. We aren't amazing. We are Jill and Joe Schmoe. We're just a couple of kids that love Jesus and really and truly seek Him and to hear Him. We agree that there need to be more people adopting, but we are no different than anyone else. We struggle with selfishness. We struggle with letting go of the money that God raised for this adoption. We struggle with extending ourselves outside of our comfort zone and parenting not just another child, but a broken child. We believe, 100%, that no parent is perfect, but that there is a perfect parent for every child. They just have to say yes. In our brokenness, we were rescued by a Father that loves us in our ugliness. John 13:34 "this command I give to you; love one another as I have loved you." In D's brokenness, we will love him. Anyone can do it. Everyone can do something. The orphan crisis gets minimized every day by people that say the numbers aren't REALLY as bad as the reports indicate. From a woman that has seen the faces of the children in the files in Ukraine and has felt the touch of their tiny hands at an orphanage in Bene, Ukraine, the crisis is real, and you are needed. Pray about it.
2. We are VERY well aware of the struggles that we will endure when we get D home. Please, save your horrible adoption stories about your cousins friends uncles best friend that adopted once and their child burned their house down and suffered from severe detachment disorder. People. These children are broken. Do you think they ASKED to be treated so poorly that they developed these issues? And do you truly think that everyone saying no to adoption because of the sharing of these awful stories that its going to fix the issue? If you have those stories, don't share them with us. We don't need your negativity. We choose to surround ourselves with people that will pray about an issue and not just talk about it. We choose joy....even in the storms, and they will absolutely come, we choose joy. If you have something other than that to deliver, take it somewhere else.
We are in a beautiful hotel in Amsterdam tonight as we missed our connector in our effort to get home to Cole and Zella today. Tomorrow morning we board a flight and God willing, land in Savannah tomorrow afternoon. We CANNOT wait to squeeze our babies!!!!!!
More updates to come....AFTER I get some sleep :)
On Monday, August 12th, Jake and I traveled 14 hours across Ukraine to Mukacheve. From Mukacheve we went to Beregovo where we found the ONLY hotel room in town. From there we immediately picked up the SDA inspector and traveled to a teeny tiny town, Bene, to the orphanage where our sweet D lives. We were warned ahead of time of the condition of the orphanage. His was supposed to be one of the poorest in the country. Jake and I spent most of the morning preparing our hearts for what we would see that day. But we pulled up to the orphanage gates and they were painted a bright, fun, turquoise. The gates opened to a long rock drive lined with greenery and flower gardens inside painted tires with kids' hand prints all over them. To the right of the driveway was a sprawling play area. Hand carved wooden swings and a pirate ship and a choo choo train. Monkey bars and a gazebo and weeping willows offering shade to the children in the hot summer sun. We were ushered into the orphanage directors office and (she's amazing by the way) we started chatting. Again, Jake and I were very unsure of what to expect. We were told that D had some health concerns that led us to believe that he could be quite sick. After about 30 minutes of Q & A with the inspector and director, we saw a tiny little face poke around a corner. And then we saw his grin. His giant, toothy grin. He told our translator that he has been waiting for us (melt my heart).
He's a VERY affectionate little guy. He hopped up on the sofa next to Jake nuzzled his head right under Jakes arm. We brought a photo album with us with pictures of our family, home, the beach, and a few of our sweet chocolate lab Brandy. D opened the album and the first picture he saw was our family picture. He gasped. He ran his hand across the photo at least 10 times. Then he moved his hand so it was resting on Jakes leg as he belly laughed his way through the rest of the album. He's healthy. He's smart. He's beautiful. He has been praying for a family.
Jake and I had limited time with him this week. The orphanage only allowed us to visit each day from 10-11 and from 4-5. We spent the time in between that doing a literal paperwork chase. Our translator is amazing (seriously.....if anybody has ever considered Ukrainian adoption, lets talk because this woman LOVES children and works her absolute hardest to get them into families). She did two weeks worth of paperwork in 3 days in an effort to get us home from Coles first day of school.
Here's the super hard stuff.......D doesn't understand what takes so long. He doesn't understand why he can't leave with us. He doesn't understand that we are coming back for him. It hurts my heart to know that he cries for us at night. 3 weeks is going to be a very very long time to be away from him. I considered sending Jake home and me staying in Ukraine......but God answered those thoughts when there was NO lodging anywhere for me after the day that we left. We prayed for an answer, and we got one.
SO, in about 2 and a half weeks, Jake and I will return to Ukraine for our official court date that says D is a Kubnick! Then, I will stay in Ukraine for a few more weeks while we wait out some of Ukraines 10 day wait periods and birth certificates and passports and medical exams and Jake will return home to be with Cole and Zella and well, lets just be honest, bring home the bacon. There are lots of emotions today....LOTS. But I'm saving them for a shorter post - you're welcome.
I need to make a couple of PSA's......
1. We have had SO many people say to us "you guys are amazing! We need more people like you!". Jake and I were talking the other night and we don't know what to say when people say that. We aren't amazing. We are Jill and Joe Schmoe. We're just a couple of kids that love Jesus and really and truly seek Him and to hear Him. We agree that there need to be more people adopting, but we are no different than anyone else. We struggle with selfishness. We struggle with letting go of the money that God raised for this adoption. We struggle with extending ourselves outside of our comfort zone and parenting not just another child, but a broken child. We believe, 100%, that no parent is perfect, but that there is a perfect parent for every child. They just have to say yes. In our brokenness, we were rescued by a Father that loves us in our ugliness. John 13:34 "this command I give to you; love one another as I have loved you." In D's brokenness, we will love him. Anyone can do it. Everyone can do something. The orphan crisis gets minimized every day by people that say the numbers aren't REALLY as bad as the reports indicate. From a woman that has seen the faces of the children in the files in Ukraine and has felt the touch of their tiny hands at an orphanage in Bene, Ukraine, the crisis is real, and you are needed. Pray about it.
2. We are VERY well aware of the struggles that we will endure when we get D home. Please, save your horrible adoption stories about your cousins friends uncles best friend that adopted once and their child burned their house down and suffered from severe detachment disorder. People. These children are broken. Do you think they ASKED to be treated so poorly that they developed these issues? And do you truly think that everyone saying no to adoption because of the sharing of these awful stories that its going to fix the issue? If you have those stories, don't share them with us. We don't need your negativity. We choose to surround ourselves with people that will pray about an issue and not just talk about it. We choose joy....even in the storms, and they will absolutely come, we choose joy. If you have something other than that to deliver, take it somewhere else.
We are in a beautiful hotel in Amsterdam tonight as we missed our connector in our effort to get home to Cole and Zella today. Tomorrow morning we board a flight and God willing, land in Savannah tomorrow afternoon. We CANNOT wait to squeeze our babies!!!!!!
More updates to come....AFTER I get some sleep :)
Friday, August 9, 2013
We are the Griswolds.....
I have been tempted more than once during this trip to call Jake "Clark". I am shocked that there hasn't been an international incident yet....I am also incredibly grateful that we are not "locked up abroad". I remember a friend that has been through the "interesting" process of adoption in Ukraine telling me to keep them laughing....so here's our humor.
When we arrived here in Kyiv our facilitator (we'll call her G) rented an apartment for us. Its a great price and great location. A studio apartment with a little washing machine and clothes line on the balcony with a market right across the street - perfect! Our SDA appointment was Wednesday. Thursday morning our translator (we'll call her R) called us and said to meet her in an hour, we needed to get to the notary office and start our paperwork. As we were walking out the door, R called and said that G had called and said we had to move apartments. Now. We frantically packed all of our things and then R said, "no no. It can wait until 1. We MUST get to the notary office. At 1, the landlord will meet you to get the key". So we went to the notary office. And waited. And waited. And waited. 3 hours later (way past 1pm) we were headed back to the apartment. We arrived to find 3 backpackers sitting on the sofa guarding their bags and staring at ours, as well as the cleaning crew giving us nasty, angry looks. Turns out, G just assumed we would travel to our childs region on Wednesday night so she only rented the apartment until then. No biggie! We moved to another apartment in the same building for the same price. After we waited for 3 hours at the notary office we headed back to the SDA to pick up the referral that allows us to visit our little mans orphanage. They said we could pick up between 4 and 5. We arrived at 4:10. At 5:45 they allowed us to pick up our documents. We got home last night and all we wanted was to wash some laundry and go to bed. After loading the washer, downloading the users manual to my phone, troubleshooting, turning this knob and that knob, water valves on and off, and almost breaking the washer to get our clothes back out, we realized, the washer is broken. So I used the Google translate app on my phone and typed in "our washing machine is broken. help." Jake took the phone downstairs to the VERY angry lady at the desk in her nightgown. He stood there and just held the phone out. (I'm laughing just writing this). She read it and said "NO!" then a whole bunch of Ukrainian and then "Manager!". So Jake laughed and retreated to the apartment. Language barrier wins again. First thing this morning we called our translator to see if she could call the facilitator that rented the apartment and find out about the washer. She called back and said "ooooooh yeah. G said the washer is broken. But she said she will come to you and get your clothes and take them to her house and wash them. Her son is here right now so he can help her." So right now, in Ukraine, there's a woman (that we have known for 4 days) and her adult son, washing our underwear for us. Never a dull moment.
Today we did A LOT of walking and through the whole day we were scoping restaurants for traditional Ukrainian fare. I mean, you're only in Ukraine once, right? And I don't think I brought enough mouth bleach to try Borscht but we passed this little place with an English menu under the Ukrainian menu and decided to take a look. Meat pie. Rabbit & mushroom pie. Herring pie. Green onion and egg pie. Jake was feeling froggy. That was our dinner joint. So Jake ordered the chicken pie and I ordered the blueberry pie. They came out in big slices. Cold. Jakes was like chicken saladishy. With rice and cabbage and parsley. Mine was blueberry and perfect! Jake is already feeling the effects of his pie adventure :).
There is never a dull moment with us. I can't document all of them because my writing doesn't provide the proper setting that would make it funny to readers. But we spend lots of time laughing and joking and that's just how we have always been. We could have easily chosen to allow this place to defeat us....but we won't let the devil win.
We will leave on Sunday afternoon for a 14 hour train ride to a city near the Carpathians, not far from the Hungarian border. There is no option but to have a sense of humor on a 14 hour train ride. For real. It will be worth it when we see his sweet face. We are continuing to pray for Gods favor. Our translator has been an AMAZING blessing and we thank God for her. She is working her very hardest to get our paperwork done as quickly as possible. There are still people with the authority to tell us "no". Through this process. There are still people that can hold this process up by taking their precious time with our documents. We are praying that God lights a small fire under them :). Seriously though, we are praying for an expeditious process and for favor, favor, favor. We know that so far, God has shown off big for our boy and for the strengthening of our faith, I have all ideas that God does not intend to stop showing off any time soon.
When we arrived here in Kyiv our facilitator (we'll call her G) rented an apartment for us. Its a great price and great location. A studio apartment with a little washing machine and clothes line on the balcony with a market right across the street - perfect! Our SDA appointment was Wednesday. Thursday morning our translator (we'll call her R) called us and said to meet her in an hour, we needed to get to the notary office and start our paperwork. As we were walking out the door, R called and said that G had called and said we had to move apartments. Now. We frantically packed all of our things and then R said, "no no. It can wait until 1. We MUST get to the notary office. At 1, the landlord will meet you to get the key". So we went to the notary office. And waited. And waited. And waited. 3 hours later (way past 1pm) we were headed back to the apartment. We arrived to find 3 backpackers sitting on the sofa guarding their bags and staring at ours, as well as the cleaning crew giving us nasty, angry looks. Turns out, G just assumed we would travel to our childs region on Wednesday night so she only rented the apartment until then. No biggie! We moved to another apartment in the same building for the same price. After we waited for 3 hours at the notary office we headed back to the SDA to pick up the referral that allows us to visit our little mans orphanage. They said we could pick up between 4 and 5. We arrived at 4:10. At 5:45 they allowed us to pick up our documents. We got home last night and all we wanted was to wash some laundry and go to bed. After loading the washer, downloading the users manual to my phone, troubleshooting, turning this knob and that knob, water valves on and off, and almost breaking the washer to get our clothes back out, we realized, the washer is broken. So I used the Google translate app on my phone and typed in "our washing machine is broken. help." Jake took the phone downstairs to the VERY angry lady at the desk in her nightgown. He stood there and just held the phone out. (I'm laughing just writing this). She read it and said "NO!" then a whole bunch of Ukrainian and then "Manager!". So Jake laughed and retreated to the apartment. Language barrier wins again. First thing this morning we called our translator to see if she could call the facilitator that rented the apartment and find out about the washer. She called back and said "ooooooh yeah. G said the washer is broken. But she said she will come to you and get your clothes and take them to her house and wash them. Her son is here right now so he can help her." So right now, in Ukraine, there's a woman (that we have known for 4 days) and her adult son, washing our underwear for us. Never a dull moment.
Today we did A LOT of walking and through the whole day we were scoping restaurants for traditional Ukrainian fare. I mean, you're only in Ukraine once, right? And I don't think I brought enough mouth bleach to try Borscht but we passed this little place with an English menu under the Ukrainian menu and decided to take a look. Meat pie. Rabbit & mushroom pie. Herring pie. Green onion and egg pie. Jake was feeling froggy. That was our dinner joint. So Jake ordered the chicken pie and I ordered the blueberry pie. They came out in big slices. Cold. Jakes was like chicken saladishy. With rice and cabbage and parsley. Mine was blueberry and perfect! Jake is already feeling the effects of his pie adventure :).
There is never a dull moment with us. I can't document all of them because my writing doesn't provide the proper setting that would make it funny to readers. But we spend lots of time laughing and joking and that's just how we have always been. We could have easily chosen to allow this place to defeat us....but we won't let the devil win.
We will leave on Sunday afternoon for a 14 hour train ride to a city near the Carpathians, not far from the Hungarian border. There is no option but to have a sense of humor on a 14 hour train ride. For real. It will be worth it when we see his sweet face. We are continuing to pray for Gods favor. Our translator has been an AMAZING blessing and we thank God for her. She is working her very hardest to get our paperwork done as quickly as possible. There are still people with the authority to tell us "no". Through this process. There are still people that can hold this process up by taking their precious time with our documents. We are praying that God lights a small fire under them :). Seriously though, we are praying for an expeditious process and for favor, favor, favor. We know that so far, God has shown off big for our boy and for the strengthening of our faith, I have all ideas that God does not intend to stop showing off any time soon.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Ukraine and the SDA
FINALLY, an update!
We arrived in Kyiv, Ukraine on Monday, August 5 at 11:40am. Our flights were very smoothe (with the exception of the first flight whose pilot was clearly an ex-F-18 pilot). Customs was way too easy. Our luggage popped right out in the front of the line and our translator was waiting right outside the airport for us. It was seamless. It was GOD. God knows that I am a little uncomfortable out of my surroundings. Having babies and making a home has created in me an inner circle. When I'm away from my people and my home I am easily overwhelmed. That's why God gave me Jake :). He adapts easily and blends in and makes jokes the whole time. I cannot imagine travel without my best friend.
A few fun Ukraine things. So far, we've learned how to quickly convert Celsius to Fahrenheit. We've learned that Jake is the largest, most muscular man in all of Kyiv. He could fit these guys in his pocket! We've learned that women wear dresses and sandals. And if you wear shorts and tennis shoes you get stared at. We've learned that Ukrainians love American music. Ghostbusters, Depeche Mode, Justin Bieber, and yes, Freebird. Everybody smokes. We've second hand smoked at least two packs a day since we've been here. We love that Americans love deodorant and all of its chemically by-products ;). Ukrainians are much less concerned with time and schedule than Americans. Everyone is super laid back. Beer at 1pm? Sure! At any given moment there are throngs of people having a cold one in Independence Square. 84 degrees is hot. The weather has been amazing. Its been in the 80s with almost no humidity and a nice breeze. Everyone keeps saying "its so hot!!!" and us Southern folk are skipping down the street like its the first week of Spring. The architecture is beautiful. The cathedrals are breathtaking. The cobblestone streets and gold plated monuments look just like they do on the Pinterest travel page ;). Seriously, Kyiv is a beautiful city. We are staying in an apartment that is very close to Independence Square and the SDA. Everything we need is within walking distance. The language barrier has proven....ummm.....funny. Yesterday we bought mystery frozen ravioli at the market. We had no idea what was in it. We still aren't exactly sure but it smelled porkishy and Jake refers to it as 'suspect" and "needing some Sriracha". There are Ford dealerships and Honda Civics and Range Rovers a plenty. We are kind of in shock. If it weren't for the language barrier, its almost like we're in NYC. We really like it here.....but there are a few things missing. And they are small and blue eyed and they give really great bear hugs. We miss our babies. Horribly. Deeper than deep.
Things have been good so far. The down time has been hard on this mama's heart. I can't lie. I feel completely incomplete without them. We have Skyped twice and saying goodbye is so so hard. Talking to them and holding it together is even harder. I know they are well taken care of and loved and prayed for.....we miss them. It hurts.
Today we went to the SDA. The door to the office is off on a side street and made me feel like I was doing something illegal. Considering the HUGENESS of what happens in that office, the entrance lacks its deserving grandeur. Our appointment was at 12 and we arrived 20 minutes early. Then the appointment before us ran 20 minutes over. 40 minutes of waiting and staring at this tiny door worked wonders on mine and Jakes nerves. We were pacing and praying and pacing and praying. They finally called us in and asked us to introduce ourselves and tell why we decided to adopt from Ukraine. I love Jake's boldness. He immediately said, "we want to expand our family and we believe that God has called us to expand it through adoption. God led us to Ukraine." I also loved that the lady in the office didn't seem at all surprised by his answer. She has clearly heard that before (praise God!). We were given 4 files of siblings first and we did not have peace about any of them for various reasons. After the sibling files were presented the office worker got on the phone and we thought those were all the files we would receive. But we kept praying, both of us, nervously praying for that perfect file. And she hung up the phone and gave us 3 more. A 7 year old girl, a 6 year old boy and lastly, a 5 year old boy. She laid that last file down and Jake and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes. That was him. Total peace. Holy Spirit kind of peace. His file arrived at the SDA this morning. Gods perfect, divine, timing. I have chills just writing this. SO, we accepted the referral for a 5 year old boy! We will hopefully travel to see him on Monday.
Jake and I have been overwhelmed through this entire process with the number of people pouring themselves out to God in prayer on our behalf. We know that so many of you, this morning before the sun woke up, were on your knees praying for us. Please know that we felt your prayers for peace. We felt your prayers the whole way with us. And we are humbled and beyond grateful to have each and every one of you walking this journey with us. The journey is not over. We have a lot of travel in our future as our sweet boy is a very very long train ride away from Kyiv. His orphanage has never completed an international adoption so we are swimming in uncharted waters. Our facilitator is wonderful and has done this before (with an orphanage having never done an international adoption). Our prayers, right now, go like this:
For Jakes back. Having a plate and screws in your spine isn't exactly conducive for international travel. So far, he has done very well. The train ride we are looking at to get to our boy is about 18 hours. That's 18 hours to the orphanage. Then 18 hours back to the airport. Then a lot of flying. Please pray for him as he pushes his back to the limit in the next few weeks.
For our paperwork in our little guys region to be completed expeditiously so that BOTH Jake and myself can get home to our kiddos for a few weeks while we wait for a court date. And if not both of us, at least Jake. We are praying to have at least one of us home by Cole's first day of school on August 19th. It means the world to us to make him feel so special on his big day of 2nd grade.
For all of the financial stuff to fall into place. We have a lot of expediting fees and big travel costs coming up. We know that God raised this specific amount of money for us for a reason.
For Cole and Zella to continue being awesomely strong as we are gone. We are SO proud of them!
For endurance for myself and Jake. We could REALLY use a hot shower and a starbucks right now, but that's not what God wants from us. He wants us uncomfortable. Please pray that we remember that without less of us there cannot be more of God.
Please pray for our sweet boy. I can't share his details here yet, but please pray that he knows we are coming and that when we get there, we will bond immediately.
And now this......because some have asked. Yes, we thought that we were bringing two children home. We've thought that through this whole process. But......."many are the plans in a mans heart, but its the Lords purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21. We can't question the peace that washed over us when we saw him today. We can't say to God "but wait, there should be two!". Maybe not right now. Maybe this isn't the end of the adoption road for us. Maybe God has greater plans. Maybe, just maybe, His plan, for just one child, is the PERFECT plan. We are grateful for a God that has plans greater than we can imagine for our family. One child, two children, 37 children....God's purpose prevails!
Thank you all for your love and support and words of encouragement and for your PRAYER! There is never too much or enough. Thank you and we love you all! We cannot wait to post again....with more news of God showing off!
With love from Ukraine,
McKenzee
We arrived in Kyiv, Ukraine on Monday, August 5 at 11:40am. Our flights were very smoothe (with the exception of the first flight whose pilot was clearly an ex-F-18 pilot). Customs was way too easy. Our luggage popped right out in the front of the line and our translator was waiting right outside the airport for us. It was seamless. It was GOD. God knows that I am a little uncomfortable out of my surroundings. Having babies and making a home has created in me an inner circle. When I'm away from my people and my home I am easily overwhelmed. That's why God gave me Jake :). He adapts easily and blends in and makes jokes the whole time. I cannot imagine travel without my best friend.
A few fun Ukraine things. So far, we've learned how to quickly convert Celsius to Fahrenheit. We've learned that Jake is the largest, most muscular man in all of Kyiv. He could fit these guys in his pocket! We've learned that women wear dresses and sandals. And if you wear shorts and tennis shoes you get stared at. We've learned that Ukrainians love American music. Ghostbusters, Depeche Mode, Justin Bieber, and yes, Freebird. Everybody smokes. We've second hand smoked at least two packs a day since we've been here. We love that Americans love deodorant and all of its chemically by-products ;). Ukrainians are much less concerned with time and schedule than Americans. Everyone is super laid back. Beer at 1pm? Sure! At any given moment there are throngs of people having a cold one in Independence Square. 84 degrees is hot. The weather has been amazing. Its been in the 80s with almost no humidity and a nice breeze. Everyone keeps saying "its so hot!!!" and us Southern folk are skipping down the street like its the first week of Spring. The architecture is beautiful. The cathedrals are breathtaking. The cobblestone streets and gold plated monuments look just like they do on the Pinterest travel page ;). Seriously, Kyiv is a beautiful city. We are staying in an apartment that is very close to Independence Square and the SDA. Everything we need is within walking distance. The language barrier has proven....ummm.....funny. Yesterday we bought mystery frozen ravioli at the market. We had no idea what was in it. We still aren't exactly sure but it smelled porkishy and Jake refers to it as 'suspect" and "needing some Sriracha". There are Ford dealerships and Honda Civics and Range Rovers a plenty. We are kind of in shock. If it weren't for the language barrier, its almost like we're in NYC. We really like it here.....but there are a few things missing. And they are small and blue eyed and they give really great bear hugs. We miss our babies. Horribly. Deeper than deep.
Things have been good so far. The down time has been hard on this mama's heart. I can't lie. I feel completely incomplete without them. We have Skyped twice and saying goodbye is so so hard. Talking to them and holding it together is even harder. I know they are well taken care of and loved and prayed for.....we miss them. It hurts.
Today we went to the SDA. The door to the office is off on a side street and made me feel like I was doing something illegal. Considering the HUGENESS of what happens in that office, the entrance lacks its deserving grandeur. Our appointment was at 12 and we arrived 20 minutes early. Then the appointment before us ran 20 minutes over. 40 minutes of waiting and staring at this tiny door worked wonders on mine and Jakes nerves. We were pacing and praying and pacing and praying. They finally called us in and asked us to introduce ourselves and tell why we decided to adopt from Ukraine. I love Jake's boldness. He immediately said, "we want to expand our family and we believe that God has called us to expand it through adoption. God led us to Ukraine." I also loved that the lady in the office didn't seem at all surprised by his answer. She has clearly heard that before (praise God!). We were given 4 files of siblings first and we did not have peace about any of them for various reasons. After the sibling files were presented the office worker got on the phone and we thought those were all the files we would receive. But we kept praying, both of us, nervously praying for that perfect file. And she hung up the phone and gave us 3 more. A 7 year old girl, a 6 year old boy and lastly, a 5 year old boy. She laid that last file down and Jake and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes. That was him. Total peace. Holy Spirit kind of peace. His file arrived at the SDA this morning. Gods perfect, divine, timing. I have chills just writing this. SO, we accepted the referral for a 5 year old boy! We will hopefully travel to see him on Monday.
Jake and I have been overwhelmed through this entire process with the number of people pouring themselves out to God in prayer on our behalf. We know that so many of you, this morning before the sun woke up, were on your knees praying for us. Please know that we felt your prayers for peace. We felt your prayers the whole way with us. And we are humbled and beyond grateful to have each and every one of you walking this journey with us. The journey is not over. We have a lot of travel in our future as our sweet boy is a very very long train ride away from Kyiv. His orphanage has never completed an international adoption so we are swimming in uncharted waters. Our facilitator is wonderful and has done this before (with an orphanage having never done an international adoption). Our prayers, right now, go like this:
For Jakes back. Having a plate and screws in your spine isn't exactly conducive for international travel. So far, he has done very well. The train ride we are looking at to get to our boy is about 18 hours. That's 18 hours to the orphanage. Then 18 hours back to the airport. Then a lot of flying. Please pray for him as he pushes his back to the limit in the next few weeks.
For our paperwork in our little guys region to be completed expeditiously so that BOTH Jake and myself can get home to our kiddos for a few weeks while we wait for a court date. And if not both of us, at least Jake. We are praying to have at least one of us home by Cole's first day of school on August 19th. It means the world to us to make him feel so special on his big day of 2nd grade.
For all of the financial stuff to fall into place. We have a lot of expediting fees and big travel costs coming up. We know that God raised this specific amount of money for us for a reason.
For Cole and Zella to continue being awesomely strong as we are gone. We are SO proud of them!
For endurance for myself and Jake. We could REALLY use a hot shower and a starbucks right now, but that's not what God wants from us. He wants us uncomfortable. Please pray that we remember that without less of us there cannot be more of God.
Please pray for our sweet boy. I can't share his details here yet, but please pray that he knows we are coming and that when we get there, we will bond immediately.
And now this......because some have asked. Yes, we thought that we were bringing two children home. We've thought that through this whole process. But......."many are the plans in a mans heart, but its the Lords purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21. We can't question the peace that washed over us when we saw him today. We can't say to God "but wait, there should be two!". Maybe not right now. Maybe this isn't the end of the adoption road for us. Maybe God has greater plans. Maybe, just maybe, His plan, for just one child, is the PERFECT plan. We are grateful for a God that has plans greater than we can imagine for our family. One child, two children, 37 children....God's purpose prevails!
Thank you all for your love and support and words of encouragement and for your PRAYER! There is never too much or enough. Thank you and we love you all! We cannot wait to post again....with more news of God showing off!
With love from Ukraine,
McKenzee
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The Enemy
I'm going to try and be as short about this as I can. I know I need some sleep (who are we kidding) but I also know that God is taking Jake on this crazy journey not only to grow us as Christians, but as a testimony to someone that's quietly struggling. I couldn't keep this to myself. Not today.
John 10:10 - "The enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.".
Jake and I have been praying for a vision. We've been praying for a vision that would help us in our decision process when that time comes. A face, a name, gender, ANYTHING! I spent Friday night of last week pleading with God. Pacing the house, desperately seeking His presence. I haven't ever prayed so urgently before. I haven't remembered a dream in a long time, and that night, I did. We were walking into our house after returning home from Ukraine. We came home empty handed with no children. Cole walked into the house before us and when I walked in, there was a HUGE rattlesnake, in our kitchen, coiled and ready to strike Cole and the rest of us. And that was the end of the dream. I know what snakes represent. That dream served as my warning. The enemy is lurking, waiting to strike. And he will use some of our greatest fears to cripple us. He struck today.
We have known from the day that God led us to adopt in Ukraine that a lot of the children available for international adoption aren't deemed "healthy". In adoption world, the word "healthy" is very loosely used and I think it's safe to assume that children living in orphanages will have some issues, whether they be social, mental, physical, whatever. These children are broken and hurting and living in less than desirable conditions. Right now in Ukraine it is almost the perfect storm. Apparently a ridiculous number of people are on vacation, paperwork is getting back logged up back logged, referrals aren't being processed the way they should be, etc. We received a call from our facilitator today telling us that due to this "perfect storm" there are "no good referrals". A good referral would be a child a mild or correctable medical condition. So you can imagine what a "not good" referral will be. She gave us options. Options to request a rescheduled appointment date and a few others. She reiterated that their goal was to make sure that we bring home an addition to our family, so if we wanted to reschedule that was ok. We had to make a decision by tonight if we were going to move forward with our appointment on the 7th or not.
Here's what I know.....the enemy comes to distract. To separate us from what we know to be truth. And today, that's what he did. He took a mustard seed sized non-issue and used it to play on some of our greatest fears. And what is that fear? That God will take us even further out of our comfort zone. When our facilitator first gave me the options I knew the answer. We go anyways. She calls it taking a gamble. I call it walking in faith. And then I told Jake and yeah, we were both discouraged. And the first thing we did was pray. I don't even think Jake knew the words that were coming out of his mouth. 20 minutes later Jake read to me Phillipians 3:12-14 -"12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Yes! We press on! Why? Because God called us to adoption. He went WAY out of His way to first call me and then Jake and Cole. He raised $26,000 for us. We didn't do that. God did that. He surrounded us with people that have a heart for God and a heart for orphans to pray us through this tough stuff. God has created His very own perfect storm in us. We press on.
So what? What happens if we open the file and there's a disability? When I was pregnant with Cole and Zella and they offered us all of the testing for downs syndrome and spina bifida, etc. we declined. Why? Because it didn't matter. EVERY child is a gift from the Lord. We knew that God was blessing us with the perfect children for our family. And we know that still today. We will show up on August 7th. We will pray without ceasing. We will be especially sensitive to His soft whispers. We will choose the file that God has chosen for us and we will love those children, without hesitation, because they are gifts from the Lord and He chose them for our family. They are ours just as much as Cole and Zella are ours. Perfectly crafted. Will it be hard? Yessir. Will we be stretched to limits we never thought our faith could go? Absolutely. BUT unlike the enemy, GOD and His promises and His truth, just as it says in John 10:10, those things bring life and life to its fullest. I choose life. I choose life for our family and all of our children. There is no room for the enemy's lies in this house so get under my feet!
And you can take that to the bank, devil!
John 10:10 - "The enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.".
Jake and I have been praying for a vision. We've been praying for a vision that would help us in our decision process when that time comes. A face, a name, gender, ANYTHING! I spent Friday night of last week pleading with God. Pacing the house, desperately seeking His presence. I haven't ever prayed so urgently before. I haven't remembered a dream in a long time, and that night, I did. We were walking into our house after returning home from Ukraine. We came home empty handed with no children. Cole walked into the house before us and when I walked in, there was a HUGE rattlesnake, in our kitchen, coiled and ready to strike Cole and the rest of us. And that was the end of the dream. I know what snakes represent. That dream served as my warning. The enemy is lurking, waiting to strike. And he will use some of our greatest fears to cripple us. He struck today.
We have known from the day that God led us to adopt in Ukraine that a lot of the children available for international adoption aren't deemed "healthy". In adoption world, the word "healthy" is very loosely used and I think it's safe to assume that children living in orphanages will have some issues, whether they be social, mental, physical, whatever. These children are broken and hurting and living in less than desirable conditions. Right now in Ukraine it is almost the perfect storm. Apparently a ridiculous number of people are on vacation, paperwork is getting back logged up back logged, referrals aren't being processed the way they should be, etc. We received a call from our facilitator today telling us that due to this "perfect storm" there are "no good referrals". A good referral would be a child a mild or correctable medical condition. So you can imagine what a "not good" referral will be. She gave us options. Options to request a rescheduled appointment date and a few others. She reiterated that their goal was to make sure that we bring home an addition to our family, so if we wanted to reschedule that was ok. We had to make a decision by tonight if we were going to move forward with our appointment on the 7th or not.
Here's what I know.....the enemy comes to distract. To separate us from what we know to be truth. And today, that's what he did. He took a mustard seed sized non-issue and used it to play on some of our greatest fears. And what is that fear? That God will take us even further out of our comfort zone. When our facilitator first gave me the options I knew the answer. We go anyways. She calls it taking a gamble. I call it walking in faith. And then I told Jake and yeah, we were both discouraged. And the first thing we did was pray. I don't even think Jake knew the words that were coming out of his mouth. 20 minutes later Jake read to me Phillipians 3:12-14 -"12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Yes! We press on! Why? Because God called us to adoption. He went WAY out of His way to first call me and then Jake and Cole. He raised $26,000 for us. We didn't do that. God did that. He surrounded us with people that have a heart for God and a heart for orphans to pray us through this tough stuff. God has created His very own perfect storm in us. We press on.
So what? What happens if we open the file and there's a disability? When I was pregnant with Cole and Zella and they offered us all of the testing for downs syndrome and spina bifida, etc. we declined. Why? Because it didn't matter. EVERY child is a gift from the Lord. We knew that God was blessing us with the perfect children for our family. And we know that still today. We will show up on August 7th. We will pray without ceasing. We will be especially sensitive to His soft whispers. We will choose the file that God has chosen for us and we will love those children, without hesitation, because they are gifts from the Lord and He chose them for our family. They are ours just as much as Cole and Zella are ours. Perfectly crafted. Will it be hard? Yessir. Will we be stretched to limits we never thought our faith could go? Absolutely. BUT unlike the enemy, GOD and His promises and His truth, just as it says in John 10:10, those things bring life and life to its fullest. I choose life. I choose life for our family and all of our children. There is no room for the enemy's lies in this house so get under my feet!
And you can take that to the bank, devil!
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