It hit me like a load of bricks this week that I no longer have a baby. She's a toddler now. A sassy, girly girl, laugh out loud, obsessed with shoes and wear her pearls to the beach little girl. Seems like every day someone comments to me how long her hair is getting and how her smile is contagious. Her vocabulary seems like it went from Mommy, Daddy, and Bubba to 100 different words overnight. Yes, she calls Cole Harrison "Bubba" and yes, it's one of the sweetest sounds we've ever heard. There are days when I look at her and can't believe that she's mine. First of all, because she's so amazing, and second of all, because the year of sleepless nights and screaming and awful reactions to what seemed like anything that went into her mouth seems like it was yesterday.
There are things that she does that remind me that she is Cole's little sister. She has the same passion for books that he had as a toddler and still has today. She has the very same strong will that he had, but I think her grip is stronger ;) She has the same squeal when you tickle the fat rolls on her legs and the same chunky monkey cheeks that I can't stop kissing. But there are differences too. Cole is demanding, but Zella is frantic. He'll say my name repeatedly, but she will scream it like she's in pain until you acknowledge her. Poor kid. Got her mama's anxiety ;) When Cole first started daycare at 16 months one of his first teachers pointed out to us that he doesn't do well amidst chaos. He only functions well in structured environments. If there is no structure, he would remove himself and quietly read a book. With Zella, if there is chaos, you can bet your money on the fact that she's not only standing in the middle of it, she's probably orchestrating the madness. She walks into the classroom every morning at school and the kids flock to her like she's a lifesized Elmo. And what does she do? She waves and smiles. Smiles and waves.
On Friday I took her in for her 18 month well check (she was 19 months on Sep. 11). There was a time when we would walk into the pediatricians' office and the nurses would just wave us back without waiting. Dr. Lowe joked that he was going to put a plaque in "our room" because within a year we had payed for it. No kidding. That's how often we were there. Multiple food protein intolerance and food protein induced entercolitis (FPIES) led to rapid weight loss, intestinal infections, kidney infections, thrush time after time, ear infections, skin infections....the list could go on. Her name, "zella" means "lacking nothing". Oh the irony when we found out that she was literally "lacking" the enzyme to break down certain proteins. I hadn't slept more than 2 consecutive hours since she was born. She hadn't slept more than 2 consecutive hours. Our entire house suffered. And we would all, every one of us, do it again.
I will never ever ever forget when Jake and I reached our breaking point. It's amazing the timing. No, it's God's timing. We went to church one Sunday and had decided to have her annointed with oil because that's where we were. We had exhausted OUR efforts. That same Sunday Jake answered an altar call and rededicated his life to God. Shortly after that we found Dr. Patel in Columbia with Palmetto Pediatric Gastro. Within a month of her annointing, and Jake's answer to God's call, Zella was a different baby. And our family was starting to heal, from the inside out, just like Zella's tummy.
Last month Zella had her first reaction in about 6 months. There was a very real 48 hour reminder of how life used to be on a daily basis. But this time, instead of panicking, and crying and exhausting ourselves with hypothetical scenarios, we prayed. And we made it.
After the last 18 months and the lessons we've learned, I can't ignore Zella's effect on our lives. Not just the idea that she's our second child and naturally things will change with that. But that God used her. Before she even knew Him, He knew her. And He had a plan for her and still has a plan for her. And in her amazing smile and happy disposition through the chaos, she was a blessing to our family. And now, Cole and all of his unending energy is being used in the same way. God is using the things that mean the most to me and Jake, Cole and Zella, to continually bring us to our knees and remember that it's His plan, NOT OURS. He makes ALL things work together for our good.
EVERY BABY IS A BLESSING. And we are truly blessed.
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