Joy

"I can find joy here, too.  That God is in the days that go as planned. And God is in the days that don't." -Katie Davis

First let me say that if you're reading this blog, and you haven't ever read Katie Davis' blog, or her book, or read about Amazima, read it. Go there now.  kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com   When you get there, you'll understand why I sent you. 

So Saturday night I was catching up on her blog posts.  And this line grabbed me......"I can find JOY here, too. That God is in the days that go as planned. And God is in the days that don't."  And today, it kept repeating itself in my head.....God is here. Find the joy.

Jake and I have been together almost 10 years.  In the beginning of our relationship I remember the panic that ensued (we were only dating at the time) when I got a phone call that said Jake had lost all feeling in his legs during his PFT and the ambulance was taking him to the ER.  Panic.  The time that the surgeon was explaining to us that they would need to also have a Vascular Surgeon on staff during Jakes back surgery in order to move his main arteries away from the drill and screws that would be used on his spine. That there was a chance that after surgery, he would be sterile. Panic.  The time he called and said "dont panic".....always panic when a man says not to panic.....and he had been unconscious in the woods for hours, 6 months post back surgery, after being thrown over the handle bars of a dirt bike. Panic. Panic Panic Panic.  Today, when one of Jakes friends called and said that he asked them to call and he was being taken to the ER, that it sounded like celery had snapped, panic.  But not panic because I don't know for a fact that God is with him in every single one of these situations. Panic because he's alone. Panic because I can't teleport myself to his location to hold his hand. Panic that in that very moment, I can't fix it.  That's what I do. Gods the foundation of the family, Jake's the leader, and I'm the glue.

As I was driving all over Beaufort County today it kept coming  back to me. Find the joy. Find the joy. God is here. 

When I got to the hospital I found a very different Jake than the last several times we've been in those same shoes. He was laughing. He was gutting his way through the pain. He wasn't using foul language. He was being incredibly courteous to the very talkative nurse that kept hitting his foot with her leg as she was preparing to wrap it. He was grateful for the care that had been provided and sympathetic toward the nurses in knowing that their jobs are far less than glamorous.  He was sitting on the bed, head bobbing back and forth as he swore the morphine shot wasn't working, and I found the joy.  I found the joy that God put in Jacob. The joy that has changed his life, and our marriage.....even the very very painful (both literal and metaphorical) times. Joy.

And I kept finding it.  When I got to my amazing sisters house and I found Zella sitting in her lap eating dinner, smearing spaghetti sauce all over McCall, who couldn't care less, because kids are kids. I found the joy in realizing that no matter the day or the time, the plan or the un-plan, McCall says "yes" to 2 more kids. 2 more screaming and needing to eat and running wild through her living room in addition to her 4. Because she loves them. And that's all that matters.  Joy in the love of my sister.

We were in the car on our way home and Cole was pretty upset that Jakes hurt. I don't even have to elaborate. How sweet is that? To have a child so thoughtful and loving and tender that he shed tears because Daddy was in pain.  JOY.  To hear Jake tell Cole that he doesn't have to worry about daddy, because Gods going to take care of him. JOY.  To hear Jake remind Cole that  no matter where he is, if he's scared or feeling anxious or just really really happy, that he can talk to God too, and Gods there. JOY.  To go on a five minute rant saying "I am the mother in this family. It doesn't matter if I get sick. Its a non-optional. I'm fine" and to hear Jake say "you matter". JOY.  To have the pleasure and honor of taking care of Jake tonight. To call myself his "wife". JOY.  We've opened the floodgates.

Today was the day that didn't go as planned. We've had several like this one and they have gotten no less gut wrenching over the years. Did we have a plan this morning other than get the kids to school and get to work? No. But we did kind of have an un-plan.  Things like "today we will not contract the flu and bring it home to our poor unsuspecting family members" or "today I will not get into a car accident" or most importantly "today, I will not need for any reason to go to the hospital".  Its the unwritten daily code. The things that you never ever plan to do.  But I found joy today, in a perfect execution of the un-plan that I could have never found in the plan.  And that's God. He's there. In every single day.....the good ones and the really bad ones.  And we can find joy there, too.