Plans

Our plans. That's humorous. 

We've been waiting for what seems like forever, but in reality has  been about 5 months or less, to find out a date for Jake to start working in Atlanta.  We knew it was a process.  We also knew that it could be a very long process.  But that didn't stop the planner in both of us.  We assumed we would be there, living in Atlanta, happily ever after, by the end of this year. Meaning, moved in, kids enrolled in school, bun in the over, you know, the whole life picture.  And through the whole waiting game, while the planner in me was picking out paint for a new house, the Christian in me knew that I should just stop planning.  Today Jake talked to his HR representative with the FAA and it looks like we'll be enjoying the Lowcountry for at least 9 more months.  9 more months.

Atlanta, to me, meant becoming a stay at home wife and mother. It meant another baby. It meant the opportunity to just be me and Jake, for the first time EVER in our relationship. It meant a fresh start.  I can't lie that my heart sank a little bit today when Jake called. I could hear it in his voice too. Disappointment. Not anger or sadness. But bummed. For sure, bummed.  Because we know what it means.  As soon as I hung the phone up my favorite verse (Jeremiah 29:11) popped back in my head......and as a result, new perspective (and an onslaught of reciprocating thoughts). 

I always got that first part...."For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord".  I get that. He knows the plan. But in thinking about it. In thinking about our life, as a family, in the last 2 years and realizing that none of these plans were ours, but all of them have led to amazing changes and memories, I realize that I completely missed the point of the verse.  It doesn't say that God just knows the plans. It tells us that He, the way, the truth and the light, made them. It doesn't say that He's aware of the plans that we've made for ourselves.  It says that He, who knows the stars by name, created the plan, and gives us the choice to follow the plan.....and if we do, those plans, HIS plans will never harm us and ALWAYS prosper us.   

I told myself last week when I realized that one of my longtime prayers was being answered that I was going to start writing my prayers down so I could remember when something happened I could say "you asked for this".  And today I told Jake that my prayers in the last several months have all been similar in that I prayed that God would keep us in prayer, and in His will.  That He would open the doors that needed to be opened, and close the ones that needed to be closed.  And its happening.  His plans will never harm us.

So I know there's a reason. I know theres a reason that we're being kept here.  The possibilities are endless for what could change in the next 9 months, 9 weeks, 9 minutes.  In a conversation with Jake last week I was trying to sway his opinion on an issue (shocker!) and I said to him, "I just don't feel like it's a luxury that we have to tell God, 'not right now'." But it is.  That's the choice.  God presents us with the plan and we DO have the choice. We can choose to say yes and we can choose to say no, in turn choosing whether or not to stay within His will.  On the contrary, we don't have the luxury of telling God "Now!". Someone give Jake a high five for me being wrong ;)  He has a perfect plan. One event leading to and coinciding with the next, and the next and the next.  My timing and my planning are pointless.  And for the very first time in my life, I'm learning to be okay with that. To just walk with Him and see what He's doing in our lives.

The last 2 years have been a complete breaking down to build back up, a renovation in our house.  God has taken us apart piece by piece and is slowly putting us back together.  Maybe this is just another block in the build.  He's teaching us to walk blindly. The ultimate confession of faith.  To just say, "well, God, my plans are completely obsolete at this point so here you go.  Take me, use me as you see fit. Your plans."

I'm just as excited to watch God work in our lives in the next several months as I am to start fresh in maybe a year? Maybe two?  I just know that I don't have to know anymore.  I don't have to look at the long term and make an excel chart. I know that we have dreams......dreams of a log cabin on a lake in Wisconsin, dreams of debt free living, dreams of wide open spaces and salt water, dreams of Italy in summertime.  And there's nothing wrong with being a dreamer. Maybe someday, some of those dreams will come true, but if they don't, we have the amazing comfort of knowing that it wasn't my poor planning that ran those dreams ashore, but that the ultimate, perfect plan of my perfect Father, found something way more amazing than lakefront property for us.

He knows the plans that He created for me and our family. He created plans for me that will never harm me, and always prosper me. He created a plan just for me that's full of hope and a future! 

So Atlanta isn't going anywhere. And neither are we for right now. And that's okay!