I've been quiet for some time. Sometimes we lose our voice and sometimes we choose to not let it be heard. Either way, while I have A LOT to say most of the time, this is just a real quick one before bed.
Some friends of ours gave us this book.....
http://www.amazon.com/From-Pride-Humility-Biblical-Perspective/dp/1885904371
...and I feel certain that Jake and I both rolled at our eyes at the Title. Does anyone truly desire to read a book about finding humility? But we read it. The whole 31 pages (yes, that's all). And it was a gut check. And we were truly humbled. And learned so much about pride and how prideful we were without even recognizing that it was pride. I think that I always associated humility with being walked all over. And in fact, that's not at all what it is. Humility will look different for everyone. But I know for certain, that if each of you reads this book and goes through the 30 characteristics of a prideful person, you will find yourselves saying "check....check check check" and realizing just how crappy you really are. (insert awkward laughter)
Anyways, since we finished reading it a few weeks ago it's been there in my head "what does humility look like for me?" and I've answered my own question daily. It's there when I completely go psycho mom crazy and flip out on a child for wanting to wear tennis shoes when I ask them to wear flip flops.....and then I apologize and ask them for forgiveness. It's there when I shut the cabinet door with the protein shakers in it that somehow mysteriously gets left open every single time a certain individual in our house drinks a protein shake (twice a day.....you know who you are) and instead of saying "no worries, I'll close the cabinet" with a snotty tone in my voice, I just close it gently, keep my trap shut and move on. It's there when the doctor is running an hour and 10 minutes behind (this is no joke) and the receptionist doesn't understand why I would possibly want to reschedule the appointment despite the fact that she has no idea how long it may actually be until I'm able to see the doctor and I keep my cool, and just reschedule.....without berating or reminding them of their one job. It's there when a foot is stomped or a sibling fight breaks out. It's there when I'm tired and grumpy in the morning but chatty cathy and friends want to talk immediately and at elevated volumes. It's there. And I'm not perfect. I still mess up every day. But I'm closer than I was before. Isn't that what we can do? We can't change everything about ourselves overnight. We can't wave a wand and undo all of the bad habits that we've spent our entire lives "doing". We do what we can and pray that God meets us in our effort and know confidently that He will.
Jake and I were at the gym this morning and it was chest day (the worst of all my days.....except shoulders. But I quit doing shoulder day once I decided I actually want to have a neck). It was getting to the end of the workout and the adrenaline is pumping and I'm feeling all strong and Need to Breathe "Able" came on Pandora.......
https://youtu.be/rmMZezhSI0I
"And though I feel, I'm just as strong as any man I know, I'm not able, I'm not able, I'm not able, on my own......"
And there it was. Jake and I are strong. Not like Patrick Swayze in Roundhouse strong, but strong like, we can do it. We don't ask for help. We just do it. We are the people that got a "U" for Unsatisfactory in grade school for "works well with others" because we know we can get it done in the most efficient and expeditious manner possible and you other jokers can just watch. And for whatever reason, God thought it would be awesome to have us marry each other to exponentially complicate our lack of working well with others (you can laugh.....I am). But this is just how we are. And God made us this way. He truly did. He created our personalities in this manner with a very specific purpose, just like He did with each of you. But just like how man took a good thing and tainted it in the garden of Eden, we've done the same thing with our independence and strong personalities. And rather than use them, we've tried to own them. There is a thin line between knowing you are capable and feeling as if nobody else is capable other than you. And when we start to lose control, we try to control in stronger, larger ways and it turns into us saying to God "no thanks, don't need You. You made me this way. I got this." But getting back to basics........if our goal as Christians in this life and the next is sanctification, how will we ever get there on our own? We can't. It is literally impossible. It occurred to me today that sanctification begins where pride ends. I'm not able, at all, on my own. That is what humility looks like for me. Rediscovering the goal, and realizing that I can't reach it without the One that created it.
Order the book, people. 31 pages.
