Soccer. It's like the intro sport for all kids. You can fit lots of kids on the field at the same time, its high energy, low requirement for brain power, and overall, pretty cheap. Makes sense. So when Cole was 4, almost 5, we took the proverbial plunge and dove into our PALS sports system. Our first season, Jake coached. Okay, here's how it REALLY went down. He went in to sign Cole up and the people in the office thought "hey, here's a young, super fit dad, wonder if he'd like to sacrifice his sanity and Saturdays and be a volunteer coach?" so they called Jake and told him that if they couldn't find enough volunteer coaches, some kids wouldn't be able to play......meaning, our kid. Two weeks later Jake had a whistle in his hands and a roster complete with 11 kids that all had NEVER played soccer before. Attached to his roster was the medical alerts list. One child was allergic to grass, one would get severe nosebleeds if he got too hot, one had Cochlear implants and his mom didn't want him to get hit, one needed us to carry an epi-pen and one said "exercise induced asthma". We were the Bad News Bears in poop colored jerseys (no lie, they were poo brown). BUT, the season went great! The kids learned, Jake learned that he has WAY more patience than he ever thought he could have with that many 4 year olds and they LOVED him. And the best part for me, was watching Cole absolutely enjoy himself. Yes, he had FUN!
Our first season of soccer, Cole was really driven by his desire to please Jake. It was hilarious to watch him because he was just so happy to be out there and he would run along side the cluster of kids attacking the ball just giggling and jogging, giggle and jog, giggle and jog. He scored 4 goals that season and by the end of the season had really flourished and became one of the better players on the team. So we decided, okay great, he can play again in Fall. And he did. And it was a rough start at first but he did great and he had fun and he even scored a few goals again! So when soccer registration rolled around this year, it didn't surprise me at all when we gave Cole the option of soccer or baseball, and he chose soccer. We requested to be on a team that has some awesome folks on it and a great coach and I figured this was going to be our best season yet. I was wrong.
It's been kind of a rough go so far. Cole's so preoccupied with doing things like throwing up his Nixon peace signs mid field that he can't concentrate on where the ball is. Yes, he very randomly smiles and throws up double peace signs. Unfortunately for Cole, he's not able to run and "peace" and the same time so the peace signs tend to be a HUGE issue mid game. One practice, coach had the kids lined up to try and score goals. Where's Cole? Yeah that's right, at the back of the line, on his back, making "grass angels". Coach says "Cole, throw the ball in just like this" and he demonstrates how to throw the ball over your head from the sideline.....so Cole tosses it up and slams it down like its a volleyball, then the peace signs go up. I'm not mad at him for being a free spirit. The kids hilarious. He's got his daddy's sense of humor and inability to draw the line in the sand and know when it's time to stop. But I am struggling to teach him the when and the where. Where its appropriate and when he needs to stop being the clown and focus.
So far, the games have been pretty good.....okay, not the one where the sprinklers came on mid game and they had to play through it. He was pretty bad during that one, but that game aside, things have been okay. As long as the game keeps moving, he's good. Until Saturday. Saturday was bad. It was really really BAD. First of all, we might as well have been playing soccer with the devil because it was hot enough that it felt like hell and all of the kids were grumpy as demons. We had to show up early to take pictures that no one ordered because they were WAY overpriced so by the time game time rolled around the kids were all worn out and the parents were barely cheering because moving or exerting energy meant more sweat and body heat. I look out on the field and Cole's doing the shoulder slump. If any of you have ever seen Cole do the shoulder slump, you can laugh right now. He drops his chin to his chest, rolls his shoulders over forward and hangs his hands as low as he can and flops them around as he drags his feet, all the while almost tripping over his pouty lip. Its been a really long time since I've seen the full blown slump. I thought that maybe we had moved past it.....but nope! In the middle of the game, as he's supposed to be on offense and kids are running all around him trying to you know, kick the soccer ball, he's doing the slump. The competitor in me started to rip through me like a tornado. And then Jake saw it. Our blood was both literally and figuratively boiling at that point. We're athletes. How can you just let your team down like that? I mean sure, it's not like he threw the game in a point shaving scandal but come on man! TRY!!!! The next quarter he told coach he wanted to sit out. God Bless Coach. He's got a great attitude, he's hilarious, he's patient and he's fun......and he's also an athlete. Pretty sure this irritated him as much as it did us. You WANT to sit out?!!! We made it through the game and tried to take a team picture afterward. Our picture is missing one child that had a meltdown mid game and his dad took him home and then it might as well be missing Cole. Standing in the back row, complete with purple gatorade ring around his mouth and the tip of his nose, rather than wearing a smile like the rest of his team, Cole is wearing the crinkle face of a sobbing child....because even though they were having their picture taken, he thought he had missed the picture? Still can't figure that one out. In one of the pictures his eyes are all big and he's leaning backward as he's gasping for air between sobs. Either way......not a great memory. And not a great ride home. And since that day the word soccer has evoked sighing and grunting from both myself and Jake. And now here we are again, Soccer Tuesday. Much like Taco Tuesday in that we will definitely have heart burn but not quite as easy as chopping some lettuce and tossing in a packet of seasoning. What is going on? What happened to our kid? Since when does he just stop trying?!!!
Something happened. Okay, not something. Kindergarten. Kindergarten happened. Other kids happened. Cole's once, very rosey view of his life changed and for the first time, he's become very aware of his athletic status...."meh". Yes, I said it. He's just average. And while that's totally okay......its not at all - because now he knows. Kids are mean sometimes. Even if its just someone laughing at him because he wears the same tennis shoes every day (I just need to add here, that he doesn't, and it wouldn't matter if he did, but some punk kid just decided to pick on him one day because he's too sweet and nice to defend himself). And then an older child at after school made fun of him because he didn't know his multiplication tables (again, in Kindergarten), but he doesn't understand that. His life of comparing himself to other kids has started and at such a young age he doesn't know how to rationalize things the way that we do as adults. He just feels not good enough. And if he's not good enough then why try? And I get it. Kids that aren't naturally talented athletically have to learn team sports from a different angle. They have to learn what it means to support the team, because it won't be them getting the glory. It will be a star teammate. They have to learn about the heart and the commitment, not about the fun of scoring all the goals and people cheering your name. They have to learn how to play a supporting, rather than a starring role. And from experience, that's a tough lesson. And its NOT OK for him to give up just because he's not the best. And we have NO idea how to teach him without it sounding like crazy soccer mom and dad yelling at him......but the comfort we find is knowing that we don't have to know how to teach him, we have a guideline and so when we can't find the words, we know where to look for them.
1 Corinthians 10:31 says "so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God".
Colossians 3:23 says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for man".
So tonight, before Cole's game, we'll read these verses together, talk about how even soccer falls into this and in my mind I will be secretly hoping that if mom and dad's opinion doesn't matter to him, hopefully Gods does. I'll remind myself to build him up and encourage him and maybe even lie to him a little about his ability in an effort to thwart the negative thoughts he's obviously got about his soccer skills. And we will try to take a normal team picture and there will be no blue gatorade this game. Jake and I will sit on the sidelines and cheer. I'll multi-task and cheer/pray, pray/cheer that he at least shows an interest so that Jake won't pull him for the rest of the season. I'll secretly be praying that he scores a goal, just one, just for that confidence booster. Just so he sees that he's good enough. Just so I can see him smile and giggle again......and maybe, just maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get to see double peace signs :)
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