Job

I've been hesitant to write this. Very often when I write or post or blog or even speak about certain things, the devil uses those very things against me. He is predictably awful. I know its coming....and it still knocks the wind out of me. At the risk of being derailed, I'm sharing this anyways. Maybe someone needs it today. I know I can use it every day.

It's no secret that I have struggled in the last few months. Please, if you're reading this, don't interpret that to mean that there have been no good days. Of course there are good days and good times and memories and laughter and jokes. We are not without hope or joy or light over here. BUT, we are very much battling. And being in the trenches sometimes means that those jokes and the laughter and the joy, those things don't carry us as far as they might if our circumstances were more desirable.  Through every trial, God is revealing to us that His desire is for us to have those things, joy, hope, laughter, in spite of our circumstances. And for our circumstances to be superficial while our faith that the seasons will soon change again, is deeper and unwaivering. We have found that through each trial, God is revealing His power to us, by revealing to us our weaknesses.

Monday morning was challenging for me. I struggle so much in the mornings with the kids. Zella NEVER stops talking. EVER. Cole dances and sings and the hand motions.....its like a stage performance of Fame every morning in our house. It is not possible to dress yourself, eat breakfast, brush teeth and walk the dog while performing said routines. Just sayin. And David moves at the speed of smell with intention. If I gave him 7 hours to eat breakfast and get dressed, it would not be enough time. So I read that blog about the mom that swore she would never ever again tell her free spirited daughter to hurry up or move quickly. I am not that mom. I am married to Jake. Marine Jake. And in this family, we are on time. Early is on time and on time is late. Being tardy to school is not an option. So there is a lot of "please try and move quickly......I'm setting the timer for you to eat breakfast......please turn your body away from the mirror so that you can brush your teeth instead of watching yourself dance.....please put your shoes on......please put your shoes on.....WHYYYYY are your shoes STILL not on?....." and around and around we go. EVERY morning I wake up and spend a little time with Jesus and sip my coffee and say "I am refreshed! Today is going to be a GREAT day!" and then the kids wake up and that optimism is completely shot within a 45 minute window. And the common denominator. Its me. Ouch. It's totally me. The kids haven't changed. They are actually protesting change. I'm the one that has grown less patient and a lot louder and maybe not as chipper in the mornings. And so how do I fix me? I have to figure out the problem and go from there, right? The problem is control. That I can't stand and it makes my skin crawl that I can't manipulate their tiny little bodies to move at the pace I am requiring of them. It drives me insane that they are just as independent as I am (wait.....didn't I pray for that once?). I have a problem with control.   So Monday morning, Jake took the boys to school and I opened my Bible. I had NO idea where the Lord was leading me and its a very rare occasion that I just say "show me what you have for me in here". But on Monday, I did. I was too worn out to even have a plan. And the Lord led me to the book of Job.

I know this story. Who doesn't know the story of Job. Greatest man in all the land. Blameless. Supremely blessed. Satan approached the Lord after wandering the earth and he asked about Job. He asked God if Job feared Him for just reason or not because he had been SO blessed by the Lord. God had never taken anything away from him, how could he truly fear and honor God when only good things had happened to him. So the Lord allowed Job to be tested. But this is not the part of the story that I felt led to on Monday. Chapter 38 the Lord speaks to Job "out of the storm". Chapters 38, 39 and the beginning of Chapter 40 are God speaking to Job of His great works. He details the majesty and wonder of His perfect creation.....

"where were you when I laid the earths foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone - while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from its womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said 'This far you may come and farther; here is where your proud waves halt'? "Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?" Job 38:8-12

There is so much more past these verses. Keep reading. I felt like a kid again. The imagery and intricate detail and beauty.....its all there. And God is reminding Job of the things He has done, to lead to this......"Do you have an arm like Gods, and can your voice thunder like His? Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor, and clothe yourself in honor and majesty. Unleash the fury of your wrath, look at every proud  man and bring him low, look at every proud man and humble him, crush the wicked where they stand. Bury them all in the dust together; shroud their faces in the grave. Then, I myself will admit to you that your own right hand can save you." Job 40:9-14

God led me to this scripture to remind me......my own desire for control is STUPID. Why would I not want the creator of the universe to have control when He alone, can save me. I am powerless without Him. My own right hand is useless to me, if it isn't holding His. HE alone can crush the wicked. He alone would become a man and redeem me through death on a cross and HE alone, would subsequently crush evil under His heal. I can do none of those things. Who am I? I am loved. I am fought for. I am upheld by the same God that gave the stallion its mane. The same God that threw things into orbit and put snow caps on the mountains. The same God that created me in my mothers womb and knit me together perfectly. The same God that knit my children together, perfectly, in all of their slowness. I must allow God to control my life, so that my children will know that it is not Mom or Dad or themselves that must control their lives, but God. I must exhibit humility and surrender, in order for them to exhibit the same character.

Touche, God. Touche.