A CHRISTmas blog.......

One of my favorite Christmas songs right now is Audrey Assad, Winter Snow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi25lohx7Kw

The lyrics focus on the lack of grandeur in Christs birth.....when truly, He had the ability to come in the grandest of ways. That's not who He was. Our salvation walked the earth in peace and hope and light. He spoke life. He spoke truth. He embodied grace. He permeated mercy. His birth marks 1 of 2 of the most significant happenings in my Christian walk. And I LOVE CHRISTmas because of the reminders of that peace. Christmas music.....not the sad, lonely kind. But the triumphant kind. "Fall on your knees! Oh hear the angel voices! Oh night divine, oh night, when Christ was born". Victory!Hark the Herald Angels Sing, O Holy Night, Silent Night, Away in a Manger and on and on. Hope. A few years ago I started painting.....this was the 1st thing I painted.....and it sits in our home during this time of year to remind me of the gift we have been given....

Having said that.....this year is hard. There isn't a whole lot of peace in our house right now. I want to pretend that we are all adjusting beautifully in this very broken world......but we aren't. There is a little boy living in our house that deals with trauma issues. And it turns out, the holidays trigger a lot of those things. He hasn't learned yet that we aren't going to leave him. He has no concept of what a "family" means. He doesn't know what "mother" and "father" looks like. Somedays the crying is unbearable. Some days he laughs until he can't breathe. Some days he sings "Jesus Loves Me" at the tops of his lungs and some days he refuses to speak. Cole and Zella are stressed out. Cole's anxiety is through the roof and Zella has reverted to behavior that we tackled when she was 2. And I get it. All of it. Because they are small people and don't have the grasp that Jake and I have on life and more importantly, Jesus. There are days when all we do, all day long, is discipline. We had a day this week where all 3 of our children were in trouble for lying.....different incidents, same offense. Jake just looked at me and shook his head. I read this the other day........."I haven't had a day yet, where I didn't make it through."  That's us. Keep. On. Trucking. SO.......Jake and I are CRAVING CHRISTmas. We are yearning for the peace that surrounds the manger. We are longing for the stillness of a dark night with a north star. And it's offered to us. We just have to take it.

Jake is a lot smarter than me. He's been half boycotting social media for several weeks now (with the exception of a few posts about the Packers......because they are our team. And sometimes they are terrible and warrant a post) because his brain is tired. He's smart enough to know that we are under attack. When people stand for what they believe in......the devil gets mad. So that's us......we stood in the gap. We brought a child into our home that needed a home. We pray over him. Last week (tearing up over this one), Zella had a fever and laid down in my bed. David wandered in the bedroom and climbed up next to her and laid down. Without prompting (because I was spying from the crack behind the door to see what he was going to do), he put his hand on her and closed his eyes "dear Dedus, Tank you for Zella. Zella not feel good. Amen."  THE VERY NEXT DAY, Davids trauma was triggered and our home fell apart again for several days. The devil hates hope. He hates the promise of new life. He hates when people stand up and say they believe in something greater than what the world desires for them to believe. And we have to make the choice......in this attack, what do I choose to filter through my head. Will I choose to only put in the good, because really, in turmoil, there's no room left for the bad......will I choose to keep on letting ol' devil in through outlets that I least suspect?.....will I keep allowing him to distract me and separate me?  We have a choice.

I've noticed a trend......my FB feed is full of it. And that's the thing about FB. You can use it to push whatever agenda it is that you're pushing for that day. It can be breastfeeding or vaccines or Phil Robertson or adoption, abortion, womens rights, NObama, let your kids believe in Santa or don't, I mean....whatever you want, you can put it out there. And the people that choose to read it, are choosing to let that in. I am that person. I'm a person that gets sucked in. I will comment on your post about why its awesome to have six kids (it is awesome by the way) and I will comment on why everyone should support adoption and why pesticides on our vegetables should be illegal. And what has it done for me? It has distracted me. It has taken a small amount of my mental energy away from fighting the fight happening inside our home right now. It has stolen the peace that I am desperate for.

Am I going to say that I am going to boycott FB? No. I'm not that strong. Who am I kidding?  I would have to go through detox if I deleted my account. But for now, for this season (holiday and metaphorical) I have to make a choice. Fight the fight inside my home, for my marriage, for my kids, for my peace.....for my God. Or choose the battles that don't effect us. I am choosing Christ, this CHRISTmas.

I choose His peace. I choose to rejoice in His birth. I choose to take every ounce of what He is handing out. Because it is a choice.

Merry Christmas and God bless you all!

I may regret this post......

I may regret this post. Wait, no I won't. I love blogging because I'm not forcing anyone to read my thoughts. I'm just putting it out there and if you decide to read it, that's great. If you don't, I don't regret posting. So here it goes.....

Last weekend at church we had a family of 10 (GASP!!!) come spend some time with our church family. They have adopted all 8 of their children in different scenarios and are now full time missionaries with the Assemblies of God. They travel from city to city advocating for foster care, adoption and the need for a movement in the church to follow Gods command to care for the orphan and widow. So Saturday night they shared their hearts with the adoption ministry in our church. There we were, in a room full of kids....biological, adopted, fostered. TONS of kids! And there were only like 10 families there! LOL! And that room was full of hope. It radiates through these people. The ones that are struggling through trauma issues, the ones that have multiple small children at home and desperately need a break, one whose husband is deployed and she handles 4 kids under the age of 6 every day! One family with 9 kids, three of which are deaf. Can I just tell you that watching their mom sign every word of the sermon on Sundays for them just explodes my heart? And you know what the world says? They say we're all crazy. They say it's irresponsible to have that many kids. They say that the orphan crisis is God's problem. Here's my take......

We are crazy. We are crazy enough to take a chance on a God that demands chance taking. We are crazy enough to trust Him to walk us through it. We are crazy enough to say "yes".  There need to be more crazy people. More crazy, Jesus loving people in this world would mean children with full bellies. It would mean closed orphanages. It would mean children being brought up in a home that speaks life and prays truth. It would mean a generation of change. But change is a fight........

On Sunday morning the father of this family delivered a sermon that just gripped me. There were so many points that I walked away with my mind blown about.  But here's the one......the one that got me. It's also the one that has caused a fair amount of controversy in the FB world (this makes me laugh).  "Making abortion illegal won't prevent unwanted pregnancy. It won't increase a woman's desire or ability to parent. If we, as a body of Christ, desire and pray for abortion to end, then we have to start now and be prepared to care for the 4000+ children a day that will live."  Here's why that got me......

I have always been against abortion. I believe that every child is a gift. A perfectly planned gift. It was hard for me to not think that when I have two insanely adorable biological children. Of course they are gifts! Of course I want abortion to end. Not just be illegal but to end. And of course we advocate for adoption and orphan care. But until Sunday, as David snuggled on my lap through the sermon, I had never considered this.  I am the parent of an unwanted child.

At two years old, David was sent, via ambulance, to a hospital, alone. We don't know why, but he was there for 7 months. Alone. Eventually his mother was found and rights were signed over to the government. A huge part of me hates her. How could she just send him off in the ambulance and never look back?! And the much larger part of me, is thankful for her. Because until this weekend, it never occurred to me.....she could have chosen death for him. She could have chosen abortion. But she chose life. David is the result of choosing life.

Before he was born, David was an orphan. He was unwanted. He was the baby in the womb that we picket for. He was the baby that we push for legislation to protect. He had 10 fingers and 10 toes and a viable heartbeat as early as 5 weeks. In every country around the world there are activists fighting and dying and being arrested to end the murder of children inside the womb. But what happens after they are born? Do they become less important? Where are the picketers in front of the orphanages and group homes? Where are the churches and the 2 billion Christians? See......we are willing to fight for the end of killing children, but we aren't willing to fight for these children to truly live. 

If we want to end abortion......because it's murder, no? Then we have to stop turning our heads away from the children dying every day in orphanages, group homes, on the streets, in brothels, in institutions. If the argument to end abortion is that its a child from conception......then the argument continues, is a child after birth not of the same value to God?

Which leads me to this. This isn't God's problem. As Christians, as adopted members of Gods family, this is very much our problem. He commanded us to love one another as He first loved us. He died for us. Sacrifice. Time, space, money, luxury.........adoption and foster care are a sacrifice. But the result of Christs sacrifice for us was redemption. We are redeemed and offered new life because He chose us over His own life. THAT is what He calls us to do. He calls us to offer redemption to the outcast. He calls us to offer life to the otherwise dead. He calls us to give them a life, and life to the fullest. The same life that He afforded us. 

So what if you can't adopt or foster? On Sunday morning our speaker asked everyone in the congregation that had been adopted or fostered or had been part of adoption or foster care to stand up. There were people standing all over the church. I bet every person knows someone with an attachment to orphan care. Talk to them. If its a family that has adopted or fosters......do they need help? Maybe an hour to sleep or shower without trauma? Is there a womens shelter near you? Did you know that so many girls choose abortion because they don't know what their options are? They choose the only thing they know how to choose? What if we offered them education to learn to be a mom? What if we offered them a ride to church? I can promise that God will meet them there. Do you have any extra change laying around? Maybe God has blessed you tremendously in your finances. Did you know that there are organizations that build funding for special needs to children to be adopted? I can think of 4 different adoption fundraising auctions happening on my FB feed right at this very moment. Families willing to step out and say "yes" to the fatherless but they are still waiting on their financial miracle. There are SO MANY WAYS to step up and step out. God does not call every single person to adopt. Let's just be honest. Some people shouldn't have kids. BUT.......everyone can do something! Pray. Advocate. Sign the petitions. Buy from the auctions. Keep taking those names off the giving tree. Keep donating to Toys for Tots. Keep your ears open to what the Lord would have you do.

Here's my bottom line.......

my son, in his brokenness, is a gift. He is an arrow in the quiver. God has GREAT plans for him. And because his mother chose life for him, God's kingdom will be enhanced and those plans will come to fruition. And Jake and I, in our brokennes, are blessed to be the ones to extend grace to sweet David. We are blessed to watch God heal him. We are forever changed. Because one woman chose life.